come out and play..

Working on another computer takes some getting used to. My computer got ill last night. She's going into the hospital today. They say it should be a quick overnight stay. She'll be good to go by the weekend. Let's hope.Made eggs, having my coffee. Surfing the web. Making typos along the way as I'm still trying to get the knack of this keyboard.

Can't wait to wear my Macho Man shirt. The pink one. The one he used to rock back in the 80s. I got Macho merch yesterday as part of an early Birthday gift. Also in the pack was a Vintage Series Macho Man Savage dol ..umm -  action figure. He's standing by my favourite picture of my nephew, a few of my paintings and my two framed records.  Macho is still in his case. Don't want to take him out. I think I'll leave him in there. However, the 10 year old in me wants to rip open the package so Macho can once again fly in the air only to land an elbow drop onto my bed.

Growing is essential. Just don't ignore that kid inside of you  who wants to come out and play.

zen-like moments..

I used to do yoga every week in school. Because I had to. Sunday, I went because I wanted to. It's all about balance, as I tell my friends. Sure, having drinks, staying up late, and poisoning your body is all good in all, but you also need some positive in there, too. Some time for reflection. Meditation. Physical and Mental growth. For the whole summer, the local yoga studios are sharing an outdoor space for a free hour of basic yoga. Thought it would be a good lead-in refresher course  if I want to make more of a habit of this. It wasn't that hard and I felt amazing after. I felt this weird zen-like aura around me for the rest of the day. It was peaceful.  Sure, I have other mediums I use to escape the norm. Writing, Hiking, Painting, Photography, Cooking. Today I was happy to explore a new/old thing.

 Back in High School, when I was forced to go to the Yoga class, I was a stiff board fresh from back surgery. Today, I've gained a few more pounds, got less stiff and in the best health I've been in years - considering the abuse I do to my body every week. Balance. Moderation. Find your thing to do that will give you peace within. Roll with that when needed. It'll give you those Zen-Like moments that you wish for in the midst of those crazy late nights. 

Namaste.

old man project..

I have a huge box of change. Mixed American and Canadian coins I would just add to whenever I feel the overwhelming sensation of jiggling in my pocket. I would let it fill up, then add to my huge Pepsi marked piggy bank that sits by my desk. I would go in there for bus change, coffee, pads to the wallet. Yesterday, I decided I will finally find out how much can fit in the box before dumping it into the Pepsi bank. Blame male curiosity slash needing something cool to do.  My mission started. First, remove all the pennies. Next. Separate the Americans from the Canadians. Finally. Count.

So far I have come up with $10 Canadian. Tomorrow I will finish the Canadians off. Then tackle the Americans. I think they're more of them, Unfortunately.

While I was doing the count today, I realized that this is an old man project. Those projects that last a week that could actually be done in a couple of hours. But the old guy just gets tired.  He needs to take a rest. The rest leads to having a cup of tea. The tea leads to a nap. The nap leads to sleep. Sleep leads to packing it in early. Packing it in early...You get the picture. Well. That's exactly what I did yesterday. Packed it in early. I travelled for just over 4 hours on Wednesday. I did what I could. Today is the next step.

Lesson of the day; Always find something new to dabble in. Even if it's a small side thing.  A little project to keep you on your toes. It'll make those winter nights go by faster and keep you busy. Heck. Maybe you'll even learn something. Did ya know that American pennies from the 80s tend to have a totally different texture than the ones that were made in the 90s? I'm sure I'll learn something else today.

no room for that...

 I was watching something on TV the other night where they were talking about things that are in your bedroom that could be damaging to your spirit by just knowing of its presence. I was in my bed at the time and looked over at my desk. Stacks of old bills, tax receipts, collection notes, bank statements. I knew it was time to get rid of it all. I woke up Thursday morning and did wanted to do cleaning. I moved the old shredder downstairs and made an afternoon of it. Cranked up the music and got to getting rid of the bad stuff. Organizing the papers I needed in a new file by my computer. Laughed at some old bills and statements and even some stories I wrote years ago. It was a dusty, and tedious gig but after, it ended up being very refreshing. All Gone. All papers are now kept by my desk. Nothing allowed in my room. that makes me think of money, or worries or outside life.  It truly made my life easier. And worry free.


Lesson of the day: Clean out your room. Get rid of everything that could be damaging your insides. Just you knowing they're there. Underneath your keys, or your smokes or pictures, is the stuff that makes you feel the stress' of coming home and calling it a day. Get rid of it all. Make your room your room of peace and true relaxation. It might be a small thing, but in the long run, it'll help you live a stress free life and there's always room for that.

loosing the wonder..

I get in moods. I get in moods inspired by something. Most of the time, it makes me want to do something creative. Usually, write, paint or take pictures of specific things or at a specific place. Sometimes, I get carried away with one subject. One thing. One idea that I run with it for a while. It's been 20 plus years for Hip Hop. I indulge in finding out all its history. The story that made it. I've always been like that. I remember as a kid when I first got into wrestling, I would take any free time I had to look up some books about Pro Wrestling. Back then, there wasn't any books about the then World Wrestling Federation, so I just read about Olympic wrestling. Didn't care. As long as it was about two guys fighting it out in a ring and it had some type of history lesson. I guess that's why I'm considered a nerd with everything I'm in to. Wrestling, music, Hip Hop culture, photography, art., history, cooking. The feeling comes and goes. The feeling of passion for a subject. As I'm getting older, It doesn't come around as much, but when I do get that gist of creative inspiration, I appreciate it and thankful for it. Reminds me of something my late aunt once wrote in one of my birthday cards. Don't loose that Wonder. I'm trying not to, Auntry Rab. I'm trying not to.

Lesson of the day: Keep curious about life and new things. Take up a new subject. Listen to a new radio station and check out new music. Watch a totally different type of movie tonight. Find something new that might get your interest. It'll keep you growing and keep you wondering...

momentum of constant peace..

It's quiet. Not even 7.30 and nothing on. No TV. No music. Nothing. Just the sound of my fingers pounding away on my laptop and the occasional slurp from my coffee mug appreciating the first sips of Hot Chocolate in a while. Been at least a few weeks. 5, tops. I like it like this sometimes. Before the hectic sounds that the days bring. Especially Fridays, it's nice to have a momentum of constant peace. Peace and quiet. Gotta shave again today. Don't want the Mobrothers to think I'm slacking and cheating and have my 'stache join my five o'clock shadow to make up a very odd shaped beard. Cleaned yesterday. Nice to have my work area properly taken care of. Amazing how neatness cleans you up inside as much as it does in the outside. Did that make sense? Well, I believe it. Always have. For a guy, I'm pretty neat. And I guess in that 1950's slang way, too. See what I did there? Tapping fingers together. Another sound to add to this sincere atmosphere, this morning. Clicking of nails. That was a cool beat, actually. 7.19am. Ten minutes since I started writing this. The e-mails are coming in. Soon enough, I'll need the calming distractions that is music and media to make me whole. I like it like that sometimes..


Lesson of the day: Take time today to appreciate sound. Not music. Not radio. Not TV. Just the sound of silence. Turn it up and fall into its captivity.

things i think in the park. with charlie.

Waiting for the phone to ring. Exhausted. Pavement pounded today downtown. Love my big city. I wear my feelings of Toronto on my sleeve. I noticed that today. I want to write a long entry, but it's just not happening. Seems like I keep on typing and erasing. Re-doing and then erasing again. Tired. I guess it won't be long as I thought. As my pops would say, When it's ready, it'll come knocking. Tomorrow. I'm in need of a long entry. I haven't had one in a while. Phone still not ringing. Phone is quiet there days. Hence the long entry. Stop thinking, Shane. Seems like everywhere I walked at the mall could've been a tribute to Steve. Reading. Texting. Touching. Nice to know people are still acting foolish. It was neat. I sat down in the park and chilled out with the birds. I named one Charlie. He was keeping me company. Think he was waiting for me to dig into my pockets and pull out a juicy Quarter Pounder. No go. Didn't happen. But he chilled anyway. He was cool. I people watched. Wondered if they're life was like mine. Or better. Or worse. If the suit people lived in snobby households up north and do winters in the Hamptons and why do the people from that big office building look so upset and angry? And why do the homeless people seem content? Things I think. I went deeper, but I won't bore you with those thoughts. They scare me, even. Stuff about the sky, clouds, the sun, moon, the universe. Big picture stuff. Thought all this while in a park. With Charlie. Maybe that's why I'm so tired now. Charlie wore me out.


Lesson of the day: Try to think during your day. Not too much. That'll just get you going crazy. Guess reflect is a better word. Reflect. Appreciate. Ponder. Ask questions and search out the answers. Never stop the wonder. It'll give your head a good workout and you will find you will get more appreciation for how things are and why. Hopefully that made sense. Again. I'm tired.

the routine..

School is aching me. I must be doing better. Their scoring is weird. Reading a lot today. Started wide awake earlier at 7. Did my podcast. Played a pretty cool mix of music. Much different than the regular type of stuff I spin. Pretty cool. I always feel fresher when I'm able to do something different. Take it one step beyond. I noticed rituals today. When you get into that groove, you don't realize how much you do it over and over again. Wake up. Work. School. 11.30 rolls around. Pick up mail. Jog. Come back. School. Lunch. Learn more. Done. Work on projects. Eat somewhere in there. Repeat. Five days a week. Sometimes Saturdays. It's not that I'm complaining. I dig it. It's a mental exhausting workout everyday and I love it. Just saying that I just realized it's there. The Routine.

Lesson of the Day: When The Routine seems a bit harder than other days. When it gets a bit boring. Try taking another route. Listen to another album. Jog the other way to the mailbox. Change it up while keeping it the same. At the end of the day, you just have to be confident that The Routine will lead you somewhere you want to be and just be happy when you get there, you made your own trials along the way.

leave ego at door..

I went to a Hippy school. (You can actually read about my times at Waldorf Here). I can't lie. The methodology of the Hippy is great. Most views I agree with. Some, I don't. I believe in peace and being good to the earth and soul and other humans and all that junk, but I'm also a fighter. Sometimes a .40 caliber makes more of an effect than a sit-in surrounded with flowers, pot smoke, and Dead tunes. Sometimes, the big yellow smiley faces just can't win the war. Yoga is the one place where I tend to go to retreat and get away from the craziness that has become modern society. Even though I don't go as much as I would like, my acupressure mat gives me the meditation and peace that I need. Still confused on how little needles can bring peace. Kind alike that whole gun point I made earlier, huh? The Leave Ego at Door sign that's posted on the front entrance of the local yoga hub is deeply meaningful and should be observed by more and not only by the like-minded individuals going inside.

Lesson of the day: Simple. Leave your ego somewhere else. And just be while you have your riffle in your back pocket. Just in case things get messy.

answering the call..

While the coffee poured, and the Jordans did the walking, last night was beautiful. Nice weather and good company. A brisk summer nights stroll can always do the trick. Even in Mid-October when it felt like we were back in Early-July. Sometimes, I look for signs. Or lyrics in songs to give the answers I want. The type I don't want to hear, but need to take in. Because it's the truth. When my heart is busy to give the truth and need to search outwards. Then the answer usually shows up. Right under my nose. This time, it was in the physical form. It's not them per say. It's what they did. Or said. Or how they moved. I realize that they were sent for a reason. To give the answers I was searching out for. The hard part is to see the signs. Hear the calls. Answer the texts. See what's really going on and decode what it actually means. It could be good. It could be bad. But the important thing is that you found an answer.


Lesson of the day: Life's problems aren't always as complicated as you make them out to be. Most of the time, the worries of the day aren't worth the time you give them. But when you have that life or death deal depend on the ultimate power (some say God. I just call it Her) will show you an answer. Simplicity is usually the key. It might come as a lyric in a song, or a sign on your dinner plate. This time it was a person.

When it comes, you'll know it. Just grab on to it and listen to it. And if you're like me, after you find out the answer, you'll hit your head really hard and ask yourself why you didn't think about that answer before.

fighting the daily fight..

Up to fight another fight. Started to do work earlier today. I have always been like that. Most productive in the morning. I just don't like to waste the day. It's a good thing, but it does have the downfalls. Be it as it may, it tends to work on my favor. In the back of my head, I just wanna go back to bed. But I just gotta go with the flow and continue to fight the daily fights.


Lesson of the day: Even if there might be going on in your life. As much as you just want to end your day before 10am. As much as you wanna shut out the world and roll up in a tiny ball and be emo like a Kensington Market wearing a 90s grunge tee, you have to place your feet down on the ground and hold on for the ride of the day. It gets your mind off the important stuff and gets you moving. You come out winning and that will only help you want to get up and not curl up in that ball. Things will pick up. Just move forward and it'll happen. Slowly, but surely.

Despite that the song was overplayed five months into its release back in 2005, thought it was fitting. One of the many catchy hits from that year, indeed.

you've got to find what you love..

Amazing. Brilliant. Just like the man. Here's the Text of Steve Jobs Commencement Address back in 2005. Below is the video. Very inspirational stuff.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

the release..

Reading and Brahms Tonight. Before some television time with the cast of Modern Family. The only time of week where I plump myself in front of the boob tube and laugh out loud at a television sitcom. It feels great. After, I will lock myself up in my room. Turn off the big lights. Turn on my reading lights and enjoy some quiet time listening to classical music and catching up on a book I'm reading. Urban Nightmares. I read it before, but I thought I would take another glance at it. It's a great book if you're into the whole lawless immorality and crime of the 1990s thing. Soft stuff. Really. Today I got by. I felt sweat itching off my forehead. Headache creeping in, but I handled it. I took a breather. Stood back and realized the now. Wondering what needed to be done and took charge of it. I don't know. Maybe this little sober streak I've been on, I've been more at touch with my subconsciousness and cluing in to what I am about to think and stopping myself from letting in negativity. Any of that makes sense? It did in my head. I even reunited with my acupressure mat the other day. We haven't talked in a while.

The lesson of the day. Don't be afraid of being a nerd. Energizing your mind and taking a breather when it gets hectic. Nothing is more important than your mental health. Live in the now and know what's going on inside you. Find the positivity and release that onto the world.

letting my ideas come out to play...

For most of the day, I was having a huge thing of writers block. As per usual, the writers block became a headache. The headache became aggravation. Aggravation became moodiness. Moodiness became me walking around not knowing what to do. I finally decided to cook up some fried cod with onions and lemon juice and watch a movie. I went to my favorite streaming site and decided upon Limitless. This is not a review for the flick, but I will say that it was overall pretty good. The soundtrack was top drawer. The movie had its ups and downs. It lost my concentration in the middle and was kinda predictable. I'm sure if I were in a movie theater environment and not in front of my computer with so many distractions, I would think differently about it. By the last part of the movie, I was inspired to write. Movies do that. Give me ideas. Unlock that locked door inside my brain to let out all these fun creative ideas that were trapped up for so long. My house smells like burning. I made some popcorn. Most of them turned out black. I never really trusted popcorn bags that were ready under 2 minutes, anyway. The cod was good. Reminded me of my mom's saltfish. Just missing the potatoes.

The Lesson of the day: Inspiration is there for you to grow from. You just have to look deep enough to see it and understand it and grow from it. Then use it to your advantage. Learn what these things are and stick with them if they help you positively. It could be music, movies, TV, books, talking to a special someone, nature. Like that true love, never let it go when you find it. It'll be there for when you are at the lowest and then something will click, and those creative creatures will be unlocked from that stuffed up room. So they can come out and play.

tragedy and staying strong for the team..

Left you off last night when I just learned about the devastation that's known as the Earthquake in Japan and the Tsunami that shortly came after and rocked what seems like the rest of the world. As I turned off my computer, I grabbed my hot herbal tea and went upstairs. Straight to bed and turned on the news channel to learn more. I fell asleep with breaking news reports sneaking into my sleeping thought process and woke up knowing it'll be worse. As I got up, I ventured downstairs just waiting to find out the death toll and what else has happened to our world. It's times like these when we start to consider the world Ours. Not just yours. You open it up and realize that there's more people living here than you and your insignificant problems and your crew of 10 people. We start to care for the others out there. People who we have never met. People who we have met a few times and have traveled abroad to start a new life. We start to take in. We start to love and be less selfish. Sad that only when this type of devastation occurs that we feel like this. We open up our hearts to the rest of the world. Or realize that there's others out there.

While you state that you're praying for everyone that has been effected by the tragedy, you start to get depressed and look at life on that grander scale. That scale that you can't really control unless your name is Mother Nature. You sit at home and feel sorry for what happens to others who are just doing what you're doing but on the other side of the world while you are happy, free, healthy and safe just around the corner. And by corner, I mean a millions miles away in another continent. You can't get depressed. You can't get down.. You have to remain strong. It's like that classic scene in a war movie. While your buddies are dying and bleeding beside you, you have to start to think about yourself so you can be strong for them. So you can take care of them.

So the lesson of the day is this. Get out of that rut. Turn on the television. Put on some music. Find a laughing baby. Uplift yourself and make yourself feel better. Laughter, smiling, is that medication that makes you stronger and makes you realize that life does have some good stuff going for it. This is your intense workout before the big fight. The fight against that unknown power that seems to cause sadness and death around the world every year. Never forget, before you can give love you have to love yourself and with that, you have to be in tip top shape. Turn off the news this weekend and put on a smile. It'll do your body good.

the heart breaks

It's gotten to that point of the night where my neck is hurting. Back is sore. My body is feeling another full day of duties, thinking, working, thought processing, eating and contemplating. To mark Biggies 14th Anniversary today, I listened to a lot of old school Hip Hop which is always good for the soul. I haven't listened to older Hip Hop in a while. It's like visiting a relative every few years. Once you grow older you're able to take them all the time, but when your paths cross it warms your heart with the unconditional love they have for you and you have for them. That feeling that resides in your soul that will never leave and grow old. It grows older with you as your heart makes room for other people, things, types of music, food. Life stuff. The relatives still get their own private room but it's just a bit cozier than before. No more room for an ensuite but able to fit in a TV that only the VIP members get.

Lesson of the day: Make time for those special VIPers in your life. Spend some extra time with them and tell them how much you care and look forward to the moments you spend with them before you get up again and deal with life battles. The great thing about these special people or things is that from that point you leave them to the time you see them again, you know that no matter what, in that time in between, they will always be there for you to help you get through.

alive

Alive. That's saying a lot. Sometimes, you just got to wing it. Go with the flow and express your negative beliefs and opinions on either paper or to anyone who would listen. If that doesn't help, Freestyle it. Turn up a crazy instrumental boom bap beat or a soft jazz oriented flavor. Hand waving like Flav and head bumping like a B-Boy with his hat backwards and backpack full of spray paint and vinyl. Whatever gets you through. I'm down with whatever. It makes me go from day to day and able to see my nephew and nieces again and remind me why I want to be here on this earth till I grow old and gray and have a hunch back and recollect the greatest generation ever. My point? When you are stressed, just think that it can be worse. It could easily be worse. In a heartbeat it could be fifty times worse. But it isn't. Deal with it. You'll get through it. Be happy you are alive and this will just be another notch in your hat saying something that you overcame. Be strong. Head up and I'm certain you'll survive.

By the way. This is such a deja vu moment. But that's a totally different story. For another time.

singing the phrases of the temps..

Woke up singing the phrases of The Temptations this morning. My Girl. Usually when a straight guy wakes up singing the verses of catchy love songs from the greatest generation, it means that he is smitten or that he got lucky the night before. For me, I just woke up in a good mood. That dancing, humming love songs, saying hello to the sun and the sky and the melted snow on the ground kinda mood. Refreshed. That would be the only reason why I woke up this way. A full night sleep. Much needed. Yesterday I got a bunch accomplished which cued me to head to the sack pretty early. Just after 10pm. Of course, I had to wake up at the regular 4.30 time slot. Just happens. Don't know why. Surfed the television for a bit, checking out what happened in the world overnight and then went down to make some tea. Chocolate chai. Greatest thing ever. My latest addiction. It even acts like an air freshener. I have three or four cups a day. If you haven't tried it yet, do so. And your welcome.

Lesson of the day: Turn off the TV and turn up the volume of some old love songs that you can sing along to. Take time to smell the flowers and take in what's good in your life. It'll cheer you up and maybe someone around you will take in that positive energy and make their day better, too.

long weekend naps...

While the social media sphere is like a ghost town this weekend, I'm enjoying the long weekend catching up on some work, listening to some old CD's that I haven't heard in a while and enjoying the company of the family. Slippers on. Tea in hand. It's been a quiet weekend. Hibernating indoors with my comfy clothes on and just being thankful for what's around me. And the talents I have. And the positivity and strength that beams out when I use these powers to my own advantage.

I have to remember not to keep the television on when going to sleep. I've most likely have said it on here before, but I keep falling asleep before taking off the tube. And it haunts me for the rest of the night. Crazy dreams follow mixed up with various voices that don't match the faces or the people that are in my mind. Last night, I had a dream that I was awoken by an alarm clock thinking I had to go to my old high school for the Grade 12 play. I called my friend (who has since passed away) and told him I was going to be late. Next thing I knew I was running down a sidewalk on a sunny afternoon with no socks on nor shoes. I was skipping to the beat trying to get to the school so I can rest my burning feet. Finally get there and I ran into the washroom and pulled out a pair of long black socks. Put them on and then took off my sweater. I woke up.

I try not to analyze dreams too much so I won't bother to find any meaning into this, but it was weird. Woke up and found they were talking about track and field in high schools on the television. I guess that solved most of the puzzle. Thinking the whole sock thing was just made up by me.

As I am about to dig into my double decker grilled chicken sandwich with extra mayo and ranch dressing - Yes, I love creamy sauces - here's the lesson of the day. Open yourself up to what you have inside of you in what's the rest of this long weekend and listen to what your soul is saying. You might learn something new and if not, you will just grow from the experience. And that's what it's all about.

no sleep for the wicked...

I slept in today. Woke up. Chilled out for a while and then went back to the sack. Put the feet up and watched some television from the throne. Not the can, but the bed. The bigger throne, if you will. I repeated that for the rest of the day until my Mom and I went to get a movie. We chose The Social Network. I had seen it already. She hadn't. I didn't mind the second time watching the flick since it ranked as one of my favorite movies from 2010. I won't get into the differences I saw in the movie since watching other Movie of the Year contenders, so I will I just leave it as that I still enjoyed the flick. But not as much as before.

I found it funny that both Mom and I took a break from the movie to check out our Facebook and do some other internet rounds then finishing up the flick a half hour later. Be it as it may, I am now downstairs. Tea in hand. Phone on mute. SNL playing in the background ready to potentially do a few more hours of work. Yes, work. I choose to work on a long weekend Saturday because I basically like to work hard on what I do. And what I do is what I love to do. I have always been a true believer in that old saying if you love what you do, you will never work for the rest of your life. The fact is, there is no luck. Success comes from hard work. It's always easier to work hard on something that you love.

People get on me sometimes because I don't get any sleep. But it's because of choice. I'm lucky enough to be able to work from the luxury of my home and able to work from my basement. I also find to be more creative and productive at night. When everyone is asleep, I'm wide awake chugging down some sort of hot beverage and typing away. Creating, writing, thinking. It all comes back to hard work and being dedicated.

The moral of this story? If you want to be a business owner, you will never be as big as The Donald or The Mark or in a few years, The Fame if you work by life's clock. To be a success you throw that clock out the window and make your own timetable and stick by it. Working around the clock, 365 days a year. No rest for the wicked. And that's who they make movies about.