don't say anything

Not saying anything. Making words your actions. Making the mysterious underlining reasons, intentions become a long term riddle. Afraid to find out the answer. Answers that you might not like, or might like. Answers that just might get you even more confused. Thinking more. Will it ruin it? Will it progress it? Will it make it better? Most know the answers, but do they tell? 

I won’t be your John Cusack, holding a ghetto blaster over my head, blasting Gabriel, letting you hear what I’m feeling while standing outside of your house on a weekend morning. I’d rather live with those unheard phrases, the unspoken truths. For some reason, those seem to be better than saying something. So don’t say anything. Don’t say anything. Let’s just keep on enjoying each other and wondering what the answer will be.

happy 6th, blog.

Dear Blog. For a little tot just 6 years old, I have shared with you an earful of big people problems and you've always been there to support me. You've been a comrade, counsellor, confidant. I never thought you'd put up with me for this long. Thank you. Happy Birthday my best bud.

the tale of two loves

I wrote this on my other blog about this pages six year anniversary on Tuesday....Oh yeah, Happy Valentines Day.

I met this girl 6 years ago. February 2008. She instantly became my best friend, my lover and the one i shared everything with. The first year was amazing. She helped me as I helped her. We held each others hands through the good times and the bad times. While we grew together, I was growing as an individual. I got a new full time gig, I moved from Richmond Hill to a new hood 30 minutes north and I was learning more about myself in the process, embracing some hidden creative passions like  photography, and design work. 

Life was good.

But then it came that time. Can’t pin point a certain day. Just a period where she and I weren’t speaking that much. Not that we didn’t like each other, it’s just that life was getting in the way We were growing apart. . 

We stopped seeing each other, but remained best of friends. While the conversation mellowed, once in a while sharing personal stories and never shared before secrets,  we realized we had our own lives.

We were just growing. Not necessarily away from each other, but realizing that we were better off as very good friends.

I found a new love last year. Started off rocky, but we’re working on it. We became closer last fall. Talking almost everyday.

When you get into a relationship, you think that person will be there for life. That is The Person. It’s natural to feel that way. We all do. However, the trick is not to ignore those feelings of being pushed down because you feel that your love is not going along the same path as you are. Even though you might think He or She is The One, you are still first priority. Stay true to yourself. Move on if necessary. Take those memories and pieces of them to find someone new. 

Like how I did. 

Silly, how love is. It can be talked about in many forms. Not only between two people. But between blogs. Much like how I’m doing now.

My official blog  turns Six on Tuesday. She was my first love. While we don’t speak much any more, we remain the best of friends. My new love? You’re looking at her. Between my first love and my current love, these two pages have held my hand through some of my lowest times and  highest times, but always accepted me for me and allowed me to exceed my abilities - never holding me back from exploring new opportunities or umm….relationships.  

Thank you to my First. We’ll be celebrating on Tuesday. Thanks for being there for Six great and not so great years.

I will always love you.

tales of winter 2014

The wintry tales of 2014. 

It’s getting to be a lengthy and interesting read. Underlined with bouts of migraines and really bad insomnia, the cold bite this year has taken all the fun out of these cold months. It’s just become a big bore of wintry mental mayhem sparked by piercing wind chills and mountains of snow.

I haven’t been able to head to work this week. Migraines, sparked by the minus eleven to seventeen temperatures start the head throbbing two hour attacks that makes me just want to curl up in a ball, and listen to Loosing my Religion - even though, I do prefer Nightswimming. 

These are my Wintry Tales of 2014.

Warm beverages, including a  recent obsession for hot apple cider, helps cure the mental creeps of the day and night. Solitude, quiet music, darkness do their part, too. Maintaining a good balance of all of these is needed as too much of anything can make a hibernating man go crazy.

Hibernating? Not really….

I guess hibernating in the sense that I’m not so outoorsy this year. I’m staying in doors. And by in doors I mean local pubs, my house, and restaurants. The biggest spark of migraines happen at home. It makes me hate being at home. Which makes me go out more. Drink more. Spend money more. Eat more. Vices that I could do without. Especially the more drinking. Short term save haven or just an escape from the real problem? I’m scared to face the truth in a way, but at least i know which one it is. 

The short term escape from reality has helped me. It’s become a blissful vice away from the anxieties of winter. Winter 2014. 

These are my tales of Wintry Tales of 2014. With more to come, I’m sure…

Till part Two.

before the big dance

This will be short. I’m tired, my fingers are half frozen half tired and well, WWE Monday Night Raw starts in 20. 

This will most likely be the last entry for we get to the big dance tomorrow night. Before we bring in 2014. Two-Thousand and Fourteen. Can you believe it? 

I’m going to knock out the person who says `See you next year’ in a sarcastic, whimsical way, thinking they’re the one who came up with the one liner, attempting to channel their inner George Burns - While George is actually rolling over on his smokes, somewhere.

Be original. George would have a chuckle at that. 

I’m full. In an attempt to get rid of some of the frozen food that has been in my freezer for a while, I made Chicken Parm spiked with veggies and lemon. You know those dishes that you originally think would be okay, but end up being delish and end up eating the whole creation? This was one of those plates. 

Ok, I’m done. Done for the year. See ya at the Big Dance. It’ll be a good one, Kids. 

Be safe tomorrow.

train of thought

What a snappy name for an entry seeing that I’m on a train heading back to Toronto. The old thinking cap just after 6am on Boxing Day morning.

The two day turnaround trip was eventful. Tons of drinking, lots of love and Santa cheer. An ideal Christmas with some of the best people around. And I do mean that. Really.

Surrounded by ladies in their staple travel gear. Hoodie, Sweatpants, with their hair pulled back. I find this trend is extra hot. I’ve always said - girls look the best the more relaxed they seem. I’m a sucker of a gal with a hoodie. 

The train is packed, surprisingly for the first trip out the day after Christmas Day. Guessing, a bunch of people are heading back home - just like me. But this early? I shouldn’t talk. Why am I taking such an early train? The others were all booked. And the breakfast is good. And by breakfast, I mean apple juice and a black with double sugar. 

Think I’ll try to get some shut eye. Just wanted to stop by, with some train of thought.

summer smells of 1992 and saturday.

I call them smell memories.

I’m not sure If anyone else gets them, but I get them a lot. It’s when I get a quick, random whiff out of nowhere. The smell is not fitting to where I am at the moment.

It’s a smell from another time, another place. I quickly place where that smell originates from and learn from it. I like to think it’s my subconscience trying to remind me of a better time. Or when I was going through similar emotions.

Sometimes, I can’t place the memory on the spot and it takes me ages to remember. 

Today, while in bed, sick, about to take an afternoon nap, thinking of the weekend that was - a more interesting alternative than counting sheep, A memorable summer afternoon smell breezed by. I placed that smell from the summer of  ’92. It was the smell that summers were made of. The breeze that came into my room when Mom was cleaning.  It was mixed with Pine Sol , and fresh baked goods from the oven and flowers from the front lawn freshly put to rest on the living room table.

But I placed the smell of 1992 with a crush I had that summer. I remembered her. We’re still friends.

As soon as I connected the smell with the memory, I remembered how I felt when I was around her. How I thought of her every day.

Could this be connected to something I’m going through right now? Nah. I’m too old for those feelings. So why now? Why at that very moment when I was thinking of the weekend? When I was thinking of Saturday? 

My subconscience is trying to tell me something. Maybe it is about Saturday. Maybe it’s about the similar feelings I had then that I had on Saturday. 

What else? Should I run with it?  Should I pursue Saturday? 

Saturday. I’ll see you soon, hopefully and when I do, it’ll be more because of us now than what happened in 1992. Memories are fun. Memories are learning tools and make you stronger if you use them correctly, but nothing should or will compare to us now. Today, in the winter of  ’13.

Also Posted Here.

single.

I am Single. This is not a way to try to pick up girls. Trust me. This is me just saying why I’m single. I’m just busy.

I’m a red blooded, living, breathing, man who loves the finer sex. And I have loved girls for as long as I can remember. And  because of that among other reasons, I like to believe I understand the better half more than most males. But the thing is, I’m busy taking care of myself. 

Working on that foundation that would make me feel more secure in attempting to have a long term relationship with a girl. 

I’m not saying that if someone comes along, I’d pass. I’m saying I’m not out there. I’m not looking. The thought of a relationship is not crossing my mind right now -  which makes girls non-existent. Non-existent in that way. Friendship? Sure. We’ll see how it goes. 

Again, If something ends up happening, I won’t back away and run for the hills. I’d hold her hand and see how far we can walk together. 

I’ve met many girls since I’ve been on this quest of individual building, and not one of them have made me think of them being my girlfriend.

This is how I know I’m serious.

The girls I’ve met have all been good looking, self-confident and funny, but I can’t see them more than that. Just Girls.

Now, if I were to be thinking like a regular male, it’d be a totally different story.

True story, Bro.

While my mind hasn’t been cluttered with thoughts of a crush, it’s been amazing how much brain power I’ve gained to help me build that foundation so I can have better thoughts - of my wife and I buying a house, travelling foreign lands together and raising future writers and world travellers. 

What it all comes down to is that I am a typical male in the sense of wanting to provide for my wife and family.  Afford to give them the experiences and luxuries I was given and still enhance those experiences and luxuries by seventy-percent.And I won’t be able to do that if I’m living in a clouded mind state where I think every random girl is The One.

Remember that detox I’ve been doing?     This is the ultimate one. This is better than staying away from liquor. It’s amazing how much the other sex controls your daily mind power. It’s good to have it back, just preparing to give it all away again - to the right one.

 Here’s some advice. Take time to build yourself. You’d be amazed how much more you can do once you don’t have clouded vision. If you’re in a relationship and it’s not working, step back. Think if this is ultimately what you really want. If this is The Guy. The Girl. If not, break-up. Take some time to find yourself. Concentrate on your career. Building your own foundation. Because, Ultimately, someone will only love you when you fully love yourself. 

an open letter to mr. mandela

Dear Mr. Mandela. 

I hate the term Mister. I tend to call people by their first name. I hate hierarchy.

I’m more on that individuality tip.

….But, I’ll call you  Mister.

When I was 10 years old, Sundays were devoted to pretending to be in the WWE and watching my favourite Sunday morning TV Show, Switchback.  

There was this one day - February 11th. 1988.

Switchback was cancelled due to breaking news.

You got out of jail.

I starred at the television wondering why you were more important than  my constant. 

Why did you matter more than Switchback?

Slowly, I was loosing my innocence of what the world was like. I started to ask questions. I started to question race, and that word. 

Hierarchy. 

.Because of you, I got into learning about the life and times of Martin Luther King, and Malcolm X, and Maya Angelow.

And even JFK.

 I wanted to know more about the civil rights movement. Black History. Politics.

I wanted to know more about the World. 

My eyes opened. 

Meanwhile, my cousin was introducing me to Hip Hop.. Not the regular top 40 stuff that was being played on CFTR, but the conscience stuff.

Public Enemy, Boogie Down Productions. NWA.

They were rapping about whatt I was reading and what I was feeling. And thinking. 

Martin, Malcolm, Maya, Kennedy, Chuck D, KRS. They taught me about race. And equality And freedom. Exactly what you were fighting for.

Today, I have a poster of Malcolm X that hangs on my wall. Every morning, I look at it, and funny enough, when I look at it, I don’t think about Malcolm. I think of you. Because it was you who made me know Malcolm. 

 To put it simply, You changed my life.

Martin, Mlalcolm are life time heroes who i pattern my life after. Hip Hop has helped shape me into the man I am today.

And it was all because of You.

This letter is to say Thank You, Mr. Mandela. 

I don’t use that word Mister very often, but in this case, I think it’s fitting.

You so deserve more than a Mister tittle. 

Hero?

Inspiration?

God?

Something else rather then just measly Mister..

 Be it as it may,

Thanks. 

You did good. Now, it’s time to sleep.

Rest well.

wintertime love in november

Not much going on. Just another week in the trenches. It's snowing here. Why is everyone surprise? Thought I'd throw you a bone just to say What Up. Here's an oldie from Jim and the boys. Wintertime Love in November.

 

feeling the age.

Where has the summer gone? Be it a busy month, July zoomed by. We're already 8 months deep in 2013. How has it been for you? I'm good. 2013 is good. Time is just going way too fast lately. I've been 35 for a month now.

Starting to feel it.

I came home early on Friday night since I was planning on treading down to the Danforth early on Saturday to spend time with my Aunt who lives off of Pape. I told my friend how I feel my age. I believe that was the first time I ever said that. My body is getting sore sooner. I can't seem to stay up as long I used to. Because of this, I decided to try the beard thing again. I feel the age, why don't I look the part, too? So far,so good. The only reason why I haven't sport one in a long time is because I find them itchy. We'll see how I'll be able to take it in a few weeks.

Speaking of hair. My friend spotted a grey one on my head last week. She asked if she could pluck it. I told her No. Since then, I've seen a couple others popping up. I support the grey hair. It's nature's way of saying I'm wise. Just not Old. Or 35.

gone for a ride..

In Michigan. Been here since Thursday afternoon. Up north for the weekend in Mackinaw City. Going to the island tomorrow. Been a wonderful trip with beautiful birthday surprises. Will share more later. For now, I just want to lay down. Got a big bike ride tomorrow. 

blog culture.

My 9-5 involves me teaching people about blog culture. From creating the site to coming up with content to marketing and maintaining the site to hopefully making it profitable for the small business owner. While the tech world keeps changing daily, I'm always learning  new ways to innovate and  to handle the blog. The `cheats' - as I like to call 'em, make it unnecessary that one will need to put in work to actually do anything I'm teaching right now.

Reminds me when radio became automated.

And it sucks.

For me, back in 2005,  The Blog let me exercise my writing abilities and to use my creativity to keep the page looking fresh. It's the man power I have put in since then that got me here.

Kinda like how my many nights doing overnight board work at CJEZ got me to understand the studio and on-air philosophy in radio, the rookies need to put in the work, without the shortcuts the internet is coming up with these days.

As a great Boogie Down rapper once said, you got to Build ya Skills.

My advice to my clients and new bloggers, is to start off the way I did. Put in the work. Create, Design and Market your site yourself. Once you understand the philosophy and culture, then you can look outside for a quicker way to update. I still do everything on here and my other blogs myself. First because it's still fun. Secondly, because I'm just a picky creative guy like that...

Pardon the rant. Just something that's been on my mind.

Had to write about it.

the today that almost never was.

Today was a good example of when you push yourself to the limit, anything is possible. Let's rewind a bit. The past few weeks, I haven't locked in more than 5 hours of straight sleep. Blame mostly allergies and insomnia. It's extra special when they drop in on the same night.  This brings me to this morning. I woke up drowsy with a little under 3 hours of rest. I couldn't lay in bed anymore. I knew if I did, my whole Monday would be wasted. I got up, poured the coffee, had breakfast, and started to work the morning while slowly waking up. As I pulled up my daily To-Do List, I realized that I wasn't happy with my previous server that hosted my old Photography site. I decided before I get what needs to get done today, I need to find a better server. So the search started. It didn't take long to find a new home. The day was spent building. Designing. Writing copy. Uploading. Erasing. Re-writing. Redoing. Finally, just after 6pm, I was done. Satisfied with my work. Amazed how much work I did on a day that almost never was.

Great momentum to go into my 34th Birthday on Saturday, I thought.

I would  like to thank my veggie salad with extra olives, tunes from Phoenix and The National, positive energy from the Sunshine, and the black bird who kept me company on the window sill that helped me get through the day that almost never happened. I owe you all.

Now, Time for some rest. After I pop my allergy pill.

'Night.

celebrate growth.

While growth as taken over my life lately, I've forgotten about you. Sorry. I know it's been a while since I last checked in. Over doing it with courses at the moment and my freelance biz workload is picking up. Good things, yes. I just need some time to breath. Last weekend was packed with family duties as my dear nephew turned the big fiver. He's the best little buddy a guy could ever ask for. Best nephew an uncle could have. It's amazing how one little soul could change someone's life in such a positive way. Much like, my nieces, the little kids have reminded me of innocence, unconditional love and how to have fun in life. Things we tend to forget as we get older and get busy working or learning.

While it's always good to exceed your abilities, it's also important to have fun and celebrate the achievements you have made.

Wrapped another 5k walk over the weekend. Since April, I've clocked in over 19k. Goal is to do the Terry Fox Run this fall. I know I can do it. By the end of summer, a 10k would be child's play. The Walks have been my only time to really connect with the self and reflect. I also look forward to it because it's my time to spend with my camera. As I have already tread most of the nearby grounds, I'm now  researching some new ground to conquer. The Weekend Warrior in me is enjoying late nights on the patios, and hoping to do a mission downtown one afternoon very soon.

Gotta make my fruit shake and get ready for an exam.

Leave you with this.  As the days get hotter, don't forget to Stay Thirsty, Friends and..

Celebrate Growth.

long days turning into nights..

Long days turning into nights turning back into days. That's how my weekend went. And no. I didn't go out once. In fact, I haven't gone out since last Monday. I decided this weekend, I would go into that missed bubble of mine and work. I worked on my companies new site and also indulge in some paper work. Spreadsheets. I need to refresh my Excel skills. The days went fast, as I just ate, drank juice and stared at the computer screen. Occasionally taking a break to stare at the television, just watching it blankly thinking about what else is there to do. I cleaned a lot too. I only work when the house is spotless and smells like Strawberries from from a air freshener spray can. Better than cologne.  I found myself a few times this weekend, about to wrap her up,  but decided to to keep on going. I worked till my eyes were at their heaviest. I would go to bed, battle insomnia and head back downstairs to work some more. Till my head fell on the keyboard. Till the death. Gratifying. Feelings of accomplishment. Just part of the game to get to the next level. Long days turning into nights...

atmosphere. moments. company.

It's either that people choose to make the weekend fun by making things complicated. Don't know why. Maybe it's just in us. Finding that complication leads to the greatest stories. And memories. Realized this weekend that the simplicity is good sometimes, too. The simplicity of just enjoying company. Atmosphere. Moments. I limited the alcohol consumption this weekend and still had a great few days. Good company.  Atmosphere. Moments.  All lead to some great stories for the future. Simplicity of things like a Saturday lunch, a long hike, watching the game, or just a quiet night in working and watching old Hip Hop videos while nursing a Molson Canadian. These are the times that I much rather than the long nights of yesterday that we once urged for all week long. Maybe it's the age. Maybe it's that we've been there and done that. Maybe that we have just gotten smarter. The all-nighters, the days of bar hopping into the wee hours just don't cut it anymore. The stories just begin now on how we can't function for a few days after. How we don't remember much.  An unexplained call log on the cell phone. Weird stories told by your friends. I'm not saying those nights aren't fun sometimes. We all have to go wild once in a while. You just have to handle it. Balance it out. Appreciate both worlds without getting too bored. Or tiring yourself out.And most of all doing it safely and responsibly.


Swerve away from the norm. Do something new. Take a new path. Go somewhere else for your Chai Latte. Grab a new type of beer. Change up that old family recipe. Stay in. Be sober and remember the days along with the nights. All of which I did this weekend. The moments. The atmosphere. The Company.

long weekend thoughts.

Long weekend Saturday. Easter, Kids! I'm drinking a fruit shake I whipped up last night while my Jerk Chicken was roasting in the oven. Strawberries, Oranges, Pear and Banana. No cream this time. No Lemon Juice. Keeping it real. Keeping all the extra out. Pure juice. I call it energy juice. With this bad boy, no need for coffee. Every once in a while I try to cut down on my addiction to coffee. It's not that I get the shakes, or headaches or anything. It's just sometimes, you need a break from everything. The breaks give you time to realize the love you have for it. Makes you appreciate it more. Distance makes me heart grow..well, you know the saying.

Long weekend Saturday. Finished the drink. Going for a re-fill after this. Woke up this morning saw the moon looking right down on me piercing through the window with all his might. It was beautiful. Grabbed my camera and took a flick. Posted. I had to share the moment. It was like it was a friend from heaven saying morning to me. Or wishing me a good day before  they go to sleep. Either way, it was very cool.

Long weekend Saturday. Reflecting on Good Friday. I went to visit a friend in this hospital, but before, I dropped by the one place that has always been able to give me inspiration. Never failed. It's a park close to where I used to live. I went to take a few quick pictures. It felt like time stood still. The animals knew I was there with a camera and they acted like it was their photoshoot for the next cover of Today's Animal. They stood still for me to snap a quick one. I thanked them for their time and went along my way to the next object of my camera's affection. It was less than an hour but time stood still. Everything came out perfectly. It was a great afternoon for this photographer. Here are a few shots..

I'll leave you with that. Gotta get going. It's Long Weekend Saturday. Have a chocolate full Easter, kids.

needle and damage done

Spent the morning at the doctors office taking part of the yearly enjoyment of The Great Physical. The morning went fast. Took a picture after the needle was taken. Came up with this while doing my daily Photoshop brain exercise. Thinking some medical company might want to buy it. Well, Maybe..

winding down with white

I usually don't drink at home. I like to leave it as a social tool rather than an every day must. I guess blame it on the nicer weather and some leftovers from previous house parties, I have had some alcohol in the house. A couple nights ago, after a 3 mile afternoon hike, I came home and enjoyed a beer. Tonight, I'm drinking some white wine. It was a long day and with the sun gazing down it takes more out of you. I don't really drink wine, but it was there and I was in the mood. I'm finding it nice to have a glass of something before hitting the sack. Calms the nerves. Maybe it's going to become a constant thing in the house. Maybe not. I'm just going to enjoy this. Out in the backyard with the glass and the cool air. Relaxed.