busking for change

Great article from National Post about a great cause.

Torontonians may recall that a couple of years ago, Raine Maida of Our Lady Peace busked all over Toronto for 12 hours to publicize his solo album and raise money for War Child. And he did raise money - $22,000 of it. So se followed it up again last year with another day of busking, and this morning, War Child Canada has made it an event inspired by his progress

"Busking For Change" will take place next Tuesday, September 29, with over fifty musicians taking to Toronto's streets to busk to raise money for war-affected children around the world.

The initial run of acts confirmed include: Chantal Kreviazuk, Ill Scarlett, Sass Jordan, Neverending White Lights, Shiloh, Down With Webster, Kevin Hearn and Thin Buckle, Liam Titcomb, USS, Arkells, Zack Werner, Brian Melo, Theo Tams, The Cliks, Hollerado, Stephen Stanley (Lowest of the Low), Jadea Kelly & Arif (Protest The Hero) Kevin Fox, Low Level Flight, Drew Wright (Fall & Divide), JT (Staggered Crossing) Richard Underhill, Crush Luther, The Apollo Effect, Magneta Lane, Dodger and more.

As a true fundraiser, the artsts each have a web page where you can pledge money to support their goals.

Of the goals, Chantal Kreviazuk's is the most lofty. She wants to build and run a youth centre in Darfur. And she's going to need a lot of loonies (and hopefully some corporate $1000 dollar bills to do it, as she's aiming for $30,000 by the end of Tuesday.

Kreviazuk: “The situation in Darfur is desperate, especially for young people. The centres are a place of normalcy amidst the horror. I know $30,000 is a lot in this economic climate but I have faith!”

blah. word of the day

Blah is the word of the day. It's the fall. Every year. Starts this time of the year. I get emo. Nothing is really wrong. Things could be better, but not really anything is That wrong for me to feel this way. It's the weather. It's S.A.D. Seasonal something or the other Disorder. Felt it the most this morning when I was waiting for the teachers to open the doors at school. I felt my stomach fall a few inches and my head starting to hurt. The rain. The temperature. The season. It's starting. I'll have it till May. Back in the day, my sister did a project. She didn't tell my father, her boyfriend at the time or myself that she was studying us for a couple of months. Seems like every few weeks, we get in these moods. From her findings, guys too get PMS. Funny, huh? I'm not surprised. Ends up that we do get our mood swings every twenty-odd some days. Maybe it's that just on overdrive. Feels like it. Was at school for five hours today and was about to stay until I got a project done. Couldn't. Started to get these major chest aches. Head started to hurt. Had to leave. Felt better as soon as I got on the main street on the way home. Environment. Weather. Stress. All building up. Blah.

luck by my side..

Was walking home last night to catch the bus after the bar. Realized that I was short a few cents. Didn't know what to do. Thought of going to the coffee shop for a bit. Do some writing and catch up on some reading. On the way to the coffee shop. Looked down. There it was. A wrinkly, crumpled up old bus ticket. Valid for another hour. I was saved. The ultimate force upstairs was on my side. On the way home, I was wondering what I would've done. What could've happened. Why was chance on my side at that moment. Everything happens for a reason. It's just curious at times when you don't know what could've went down if it went the other way. My computer has a virus. It's getting really annoying. Have to find some time to have it looked at. My anti-virus eating isn't working too well. I think it's a bad one. Gotta go see the doctor this week. Hopefully. I need my computer for everything. Don't know what I would do without it. It's funny how time has progressed we have become more dependent on technology and it's not until you're in a situation like this you realize how much you use it and how much you need it. Sad. Today went fast. Weekends are going faster. Darker earlier. Bright faster. Not enough sleep. Never. School tomorrow. Busy week. Hopefully luck will be on my side this week. Like it was last night.

dear tom,

Hey bud. Lots has been happening. Haven't been in touch. I know you've been here to see me though. I know when you're around. I appreciate it. We haven't really talked in a while. It's not that I don't miss you or that I don't think of you. It's just that I've lost a few other friends and well, September sucks because of it. I'm an uncle now. Times three. It's so cool. Wish you could've met them. There's so many words of wisdom I want to share with them and many stem from our conversations. The words you gave to me. I miss you like hell, brother. There's not one day that goes by where I don't think of you. My picture of you and me at "coup" station is still by my side as I write. It gives me motivation. Every time I look at it I think that you would say to me "Shaner, you got your head on straight. Just know how to balance life. You can do it, bud." At first when people called me Shaner, I hated it. Because it was your name for me. Now, I think, well. Maybe it's just Tom's way of saying he's always there. And well, I'm called Shaner a lot. I'm happy about that. Gives me security that my big bud is watching over me. I miss you dude. Sorry I missed your birthday. Hope you had a good one as I know you did with all your boys up there. Love you and miss you. Shaner.

school trips to elora gorge

The first few weeks of school was always exciting at Waldorf. Actually, it was always exciting at Waldorf. Especially when you got to the High School. Something is always happening. Being it a class play, camping, dances, fairs, or just special days we were always looking forward to something. The first thing the High Schoolers looked forward to in the school year was the initiation trip. This was a trip to welcome the grade nine’s to upper school life. Since the High School was pretty small, the students ended up hanging out with everyone. Well. At least when I was there. We had pals in every class practically. Therefore, a trip where all the High School students go on was a lot of fun. The initiation trip was a three day event. The first day we caught a play during the Stratford Festival. Some type of Shakespearean tale in which most of us either slept through or never payed attention to.
I think the teachers did the same, but they didn’t make too obvious.
Then the fun started. We got back on the bus and headed north to Elora Gorge where we spent the remainder of the days camping. The trip for the grade 10s and 11s were basically dull. Nothing really to do except to hike and maybe head to the city for a quick bite of some non-camping grub. This trip was really for the grade 12 class as they set up some kind of hair brain scheme to evoke fear into the young grade nine tots. This was fun to see. I wasn’t there for my grade nine initiation. Which I wish I went on. However, I was there for when I initiated a good friend of mine. We scared the bejesus out of them. The day started off with the class teaming up with their grade nine buddy and leading them to this dark part of the Gorge all the while holding this huge stick that was on fire. We got to a small part of the lake and formed a circle. We started to hum. It seemed like a huge cult’ish ceremony for warlocks or gnomes. It was creepy. The plan worked.
We then headed over to the lake where we had set up a little obstacle course for them. In the water. By the end of the day, they were still in awe of the cultish ceremony and were very wet.
All in the name of Waldorf High School love.
The three day excursion pretty much set the course for the year. It brought people together and friendships were made stronger. It gave a chance to bring the high school closer together. It was also a great way to show your teachers your real self. You as a person. Outside of the classroom atmosphere. This unique getaway is one of the uniqueness’ that Waldorf Education brings to the table that is so appreciated that isn’t offered by the public school system. It’s a small thing, but it’s a nice thing.
Memories for those three days in the bushes stay with all of us years after graduation. And because of it, makes us appreciate the education and our High School years that much more

i quit (i give up) - ok cobra

very busy people - the limosines

1010 dumps cfrb

Sad news from from this mornings Toronto Sun...

As part of the overhaul of the station, the call letters are gone, to be replaced by Newstalk 1010.

If you like history, you may not like this one.

The letters date back to 1927, and stood for Canada's First Radio Batteryless, for the radio tube Edward S. Rogers, father of Ted Rogers, invented that increased the popularity of broadcasting.

But, as one source said, changes were due.

Turns out CFRB isn't broadcasting the way it used to. The station used to command Canada's largest listening audience. The latest ratings -- under the new and still being refined PPM metering system -- has them down in 10th place.

Rival AM 640, with John Oakley in the morning, has surpassed the big boy on the block, and a refreshment was in order.

After firing hosts Michael Coren and the Motts, the next shoe is dropping.

Starting Oct. 5, Bill Carroll is out as morning man, the top position for a radio host. He moves to 9 a.m. The new guy on the morning hot seat is John Moore.

John Tory's trial on Sunday nights is over. He's been promoted to afternoon drive host. Jim Richards moves to the 1 p.m. slot.

The other big change is call-in segments, a staple of talk radio, will play a lesser role on the station, as the hosts get a chance to stretch their voices.

CFRB -- or is that Newstalk 1010 -- managers declined comment.

---

It's only a nickel -- it's just so damn ridiculous.

Every time I go grab a bite to eat at the St. Lawrence Market and opt for Chinese food or pasta, my meal is handed to me in a styrofoam container.

That container is a temporary, "use once, toss immediately" vehicle for my food.

It, of course, is free.

But if I want to carry it back to the office in a plastic bag, that luggage costs me 5 cents.

That nickel bag could then go on to line my garbage can, carry my stuff, be used over and over again.

Little is reused as much as a plastic bag. But, now that plastic bags aren't handed out as readily, I'm forced to buy Glad garbage bags for my green bin, garbage cans, and to line the baby's diaper pail.

Am I paying a nickel surcharge on each of those?

Explain to me again how this makes sense?

---

Spotted in Toronto yesterday, on University Ave., just before lunch, by Global TV's Queen's Park correspondent Sean Mallen?

Michael Bryant.

On a bike.

ever and always..

“My Dad always told me ‘Flowers mean I’m sorry, chocolates mean I love you.’” ~Lauren Conrad

Staring blankly. Roaming around the interweb. Wondering. Thinking about what happened. Contemplating my next move. Step forward. Trying to move forward. Always. Never like going backwards. Kinda brain numb. Without anything to really think about but at the same time too much to think about. Should I say these words I don't like saying? Should I? Is it worth it? I think so. It's worth the world. To me at least. Hope they think so. To me. I don't know where it went wrong. Well, I do. Just don't like to admit mistakes. Hate it. I'm always right. Even when I'm wrong. Stubbornness runs in the family. Something I have to leave, but it's still there the next morning. Been there for years. Not happy about it. What can I say? I'm sorry? You make me feel good? I shouldn't have said that? I don't know. I feel kinda empty. For more reasons than just that, but that's just another story. Another entry. Another write-up. Another blog. For another time. I'm busy. Tons on my mind. Always. But for the brief time you were in my life, you made it all worthwhile. Made me look forward to tomorrow. And the next day. And the following day. And the day after that. And I was looking forward to be feeling like that forever. Forever and always. Then I said something out of anger. I shouldn't have said. Something I do regret. Regret is something I don't do. I move forward and stronger through experience. But for that I do regret. Because I said it to you. Maybe it's my fault for falling too close to the tree. Maybe I should start looking farther away. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe this would just make our bound tighter. Don't know. All I know is that I think I lost something that could be huge. Something that could be an awesome part of my life. Our life. Not together, but like. You know. Like. Us knowing each other. No matter the whole meaning behind it. Just as long as you're in my life. Yeah. I said it. I never met anyone like you. You make me humble. That's something really hard for me to do. Or feel. Humble. Make me feel young. Real. Make me want to poke myself and be happy that I'm alive. Make me want to make up corny sentences just because it feels good to do it. Cheese. Make me look up cheesy quotes from The Hills and just pray that I can still have some type of masculine dignity when doing so. Still staring blankly. At least I got this off my mind. I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have said anything. I should've just played the game and let it be. Let it be until the time was better. Let you keep the canvas' because they would be tainted otherwise. I would never be able to forgive myself. What else can I say? Sorry? Staring blankly. Wondering. Thinking about what happened.

english language. i'll love you forever. will like you for always...

Got up. Forgot about the pain. It's still there. It seems like it'll always be there. Read Casie's blog. She felt the same way with her back. It's funny how when people wake up from a nice peaceful dream, the world seems all good. It's when you regain consciousness you realize what's really going down and you're back into reality. My reality today was my injured knee. I tried to walk around the house today to see if it would be feasible to get back to school. Nope. I called in. Told them by Friday, hopefully. I doubt it. It has its moments. I thought I would give it a little workout today. It started to really hurt and almost fell over. Sat back down. Feeling helpless. Went around the net looking for something to do to wake me up. Entertain me in an educational way. Found these videos of lectures from Yale. They're pretty cool. All about some really cool books. They even talk about Franny and Zooey by JD . JD was my first favorite author in high school. Before he was replaced by Carroll. Both took the literary game to a whole new level. They inspire me. To this day. Just like the kid authors. Sometimes I read some old kid stories like Robert Munsh's Love You Forever and forget how writing so simple could be more effective than writing with complicated verses. I try to balance between both. Easy and hard. Depending on my mood. I'll Love You Forever. I will Like you for Always. So poetic. So simple. I love the English language.

mf doom quote of the day

To all my brothers who is doing unsettling bids / You could have got away if it was not for them meddling kids.

vmt: keep ya head up pt 2

Here's part 2 of my Keep Ya Head up VMT where the first one left off..

Sometimes, when I'm done writing and can't do anything else creative to express my current feelings, I turn to Hip Hop to make it all better. This edition will be dedicated to tracks that inspired me. However, I'm going to take it a step further and look at the samples that inspired the song. Hope you enjoy. Let's go.


The Foreign Exchange - Hustle Hustle
The Life - Mystic
Golden - Jill Scott
Sky's the Limit - Notorious B.I.G.
Anything - Jay-Z
I'd Do Anything - Oliver Twist
Just the Two Of Us - Will Smith
Just the Two of Us - Bill Withers
These Eyes - The Guess Who
Stick to Your Vision - Maestro Fresh Wes
Dear Hip Hop - Dan-E-O
Krazy World - Ghetto Concept
You're All I Need - Method Man feat. Mary J Blige
You're All I Need (To Get By) - Marvin Gaye feat. Tammy Terrell
What They Do - The Roots

bazen hussy - fall/winter ‘09

Found these pictures of the new BH collection at 1LoveTO. Thanks for the lookout. If you're interested in more clothes from Brazen Hussy, check out the site for where you can pick them up in Canada.

vmt: keeping ya head up

Here's another VMT. My virtual mixtape of collected tracks where I look at some obscure and popular joints and dig in the crates to educate the listener by exposing where the beats came from or some type of history of the track. Sometimes, when I'm done writing and can't do anything else creative to express my current feelings, I turn to Hip Hop to make it all better. This edition will be dedicated to tracks that inspired me. However, I'm going to take it a step further and look at the samples that inspired the song. Hope you enjoy. Let's go.

Maybe Tomorrow - The Jackson Five
All I Got Is You - Ghostface Killah
All I Got Is You pt 2 - Raekwon feat Big Bub
The Four Elements - Looptroop feat Arsonists
The Champ - The Mohawks
Step Into A World - Krs One
Stay Real - Eric Sermon
I Used to Love H.E.R. - Common
The Changing World - George Benson
I Can't Stand the Rain - Ann Peebles
Memories Live - Reflection Eternal
Stakes Is High - De La Soul
Mind Power - James Brown
Proceed - The Roots
Stressed Out - A Tribe Called Quest
Excursions - A Tribe Called Quest
Time - The Last Poets
Fight the Power - Public Enemy
What You See Is What You Get - Dramatics
Hey Young World - Slick Rick
I Can - Nas
Impeach the President - The Honeydrippers

prez calls kanye a "jackass"

..And then there was the fly thing.

god made me cd release party

For more info check out NU Funk's website.

cobra tour dates

OK Cobra are going on the road. Urbnet have announced the tour dates. Check them below.

Tour Dates:
OK Cobra + The Leathers Cross Canada Tour
Oct 05: The Boat - Toronto, ON
Oct 06: The Mansion - Kingston, ON
Oct 07: The Underdog - Peterborough ON
Oct 08: Babylon - Ottawa, ON
Oct 09: Loft Party - Montreal, QC
Oct 11: The Paramount - Moncton, NB
Oct 12: Gus' Pub - Halifax NS
Oct 21: The Bar - Marathon ON
Oct 22: Jack's - Thunder Bay ON
Oct 27: Ottoman Lounge - Medicine Hat, AB
Oct 28: Henotic Restaurant - Lethbridge, AB
Oct 29: Likwid Lounge - Edmonton, AB
Oct 31: The Warehouse - Calgary AB
Nov 04: Voodoo's - Penticton, BC
Nov 09: The Modern - Vancouver BC
Nov 10: Lucky Bar - Victoria BC
Nov 12: The Media Club - Vancouver BC

never thought it would end this way..

Drug induced. Corner room. Never thought it would end this way. Caught the morning news. Heard that his hero passed. Gassed up on some heroin. I guess. Doesn't really know. Been there for a while. Different stuff. All the time. Would give anything to walk a mile. Not be on the different stuff. Confused. Never thought it would end this way. Was on K. Then Anti-Depressants. It would get all blurry after that. Sitting. Waiting. To hear any word. Any word. Good or bad. Mating with the white walls. Nothing to do. Never thought it would end this way.

the saint..

The canvas comes to life when the paint is squirted on.
The saint, while the white paint faintly starts to take shape, wonders
what story this painting will tell. Will it be about love? hate? hell?
The saint doesn't know. Brushing. Back and Forth. Thinking of the
North and his adventures being broke. The saint brushes. Back and Forth. Back and Forth. The story is starting to take shape. He thinks of her. Continuing to Brush. Back and Forth. The canvas comes to life when the paint is squirted on.

dine with mother..

Dancing. Heat. No Rain. Clouds hitting vibrant
beams of nature on the window pane. Bodies underneath
enjoying the September game. With Mother. Smothered with
the grand prize. Heat. No Snow. No Rain. Just the shine. Would
love to dine with Mother all the time if she chimes in with these
types of days. May in September. Feeling free.

cracks

Sun goes through the pavement cracks.
Lack of life underneath. Old smokes,
packs, beer bottle taps and school sacks.
Resting comfortably in the Sunday air.
Looking fair, resting in joy. That's where they
lay.

connected

It's always nice to know that someone else you really like knows what you're going through. Not even if it's exactly what you're going through. They understand. It's nice to know someone out there is connected with you. Even if it's through the interweb. Fellow beautiful blogger, Casie Stewart recently hurt her back. When I told her about my knee. She know how it feels to feel trapped and helpless and stressed that this pain will never go away. For a while there, it all felt better. Like it was worth going through this pain. Like myself, Casie is trying to overcome her pain through her writing. Getting everything out jotted down so it's not bottled up inside while the pain lurks around the spine and other internal organs. I feel connected with her. She made me feel better. Good luck with the X-Rays today, Casie. I'll be thinking about you.

ain't no love t.o. tees

These are hot. For more check out Goodboy Clothing

pick up the phone - dragonette

Dragonette's lead Martina Sorbara sporting Greta Constantine in the new video for Pick Up the Phone. Take a look see and enjoy the new track....

roadsworth

Roadsworth is coming to town. For more info check out Manifesto's website

proud-fm named top toronto radio station

The Pride of Toronto 103.9 PROUD FM is pleased to announce that it has been named “Best Radio Station” by the reader’s of Xtra! Magazine in their annual “readers poll” edition, set to hit the stands Thursday September 10th, 2009.

In addition to the “Best Radio Station” award, morning show host Deb Pearce was also named “Best Radio DJ” this year.

“This is a huge step in the growth of the radio station” says Program Director Bob Willette, “With this recognition, not only have we established PROUD FM as Toronto’s official voice of the Queer community, we have also become an excellent alternative to mainstream radio”.

About PROUD FM: The Pride of Toronto, 103.9 PROUD-FM is the world’s first and only commercial radio station whose mandate is to serve the Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual and Transgender (LGBT) community. Owned and operated by Dufferin Communications Inc. PROUD-FM has been on the air officially since April 2007. The music selection is an eclectic mix of sounds from current pop hits to club anthems and classics from the 70s, 80s and 90s…we like to call it “Feel Good Music”. Above and beyond great music and variety, what distinguishes PROUD-FM from other radio stations is its spoken word, which is delivered from a unique, inclusive perspective about and for the LGBT community. Start your day with the irreverent humour of Breakfast in Bed with Patrick and Deb. Then, Mid Day Host, comedian Richard Ryder takes you through the rest of the AM into the afternoon with fun e-mails and interesting features, until 3pm when The Shaun Proulx Show takes over. The “SPS” as it is known, is an eclectic mix of great music, LGBT news, ahead of the curve topics, and off the cuff banter between Shaun Proulx and PROUD FM Entertainment Director Mark Wigmore. Once the evening sets in, world renowned DJ/Producer Cajjmere Wray spins the hottest, freshest club music into the wee hours of the morning. PROUD FM is radio for the queer and the curious, PROUD FM is for you!

we remember: patrick swayze

rip patrick swayze..

Ghost will live forever. Thanks, Patrick. You did good. Sad news coming out today from ABC

Patrick Swayze, the hunky actor who danced his way into viewers' hearts with "Dirty Dancing" and then broke them with "Ghost," died Monday after a battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

"Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months," said a statement released Monday evening by his publicist, Annett Wolf. No other details were given.

Fans of the actor were saddened to learn in March 2008 that Swayze was suffering from a particularly deadly form of cancer.

He had kept working despite the diagnosis, putting together a memoir with his wife and shooting "The Beast," an A&E drama series for which he had already made the pilot. It drew a respectable 1.3 million viewers when the 13 episodes ran in 2009, but A&E said it had reluctantly decided not to renew it for a second season.

Swayze said he opted not to use painkilling drugs while making "The Beast" because they would have taken the edge off his performance. He acknowledged that time might be running out given the grim nature of the disease.

When he first went public with the illness, some reports gave him only weeks to live, but his doctor said his situation was "considerably more optimistic" than that.

"I'd say five years is pretty wishful thinking," Swayze told ABC's Barbara Walters in early 2009. "Two years seems likely if you're going to believe statistics. I want to last until they find a cure, which means I'd better get a fire under it."

A three-time Golden Globe nominee, Swayze became a star with his performance as the misunderstood bad-boy Johnny Castle in "Dirty Dancing." As the son of a choreographer who began his career in musical theater, he seemed a natural to play the role.

A coming-of-age romance starring Jennifer Grey as an idealistic young woman on vacation with her family and Swayze as the Catskills resort's sexy (and much older) dance instructor, the film made great use of both his grace on his feet and his muscular physique.

first five minutes of the grey's season premier..

update on my quitting

So last week was a hard week. Things went down. I was stressed. All week I had seven smokes. I don't think that's that bad considering I used to smoke an average of 10-20 smokes a day. I felt bad. I knew I shouldn't have done it. But I'm sure It's going to get better. Haven't smoke since Saturday. Well, maybe that's because of my injury. I hope I won't again. I'm trying to cut down majorly and then quit. We'll see. I still want to quit. I still have my eyes on the prize. One day at a time. I thought I would still be able to do the things I used to when I smoke. The stuff that I did to make me want to smoke. Hell, when I quit drinking, I chilled at the bars all the time. Back then, however. I wanted it. I think I really want this. Not smoking. Guess not. It'll take more time than I thought, I guess. Maybe it'll be a struggle than I thought. I'm going to get through it. Raise the prize in my hands. Smoke free.

crack in everything...

"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in."

I hurt my knee on Saturday. I won't get into how I did it, but it hurt. I was at Emergency for 7 years. Till Noon on Sunday. All the doctor said was that I needed a brace and maybe some physio if it doesn't get better in a weeks time. Bah. If you know me, you know that I'm the most positive person. I always see the crack in everything - as Cohan wrote. Because that's how the light gets in. I'm also the most independent person out there. This injury has taken away these two traits of mine. Don't feel like myself. I feel like an aggravated person. A mad raging out kid who is asking for help everywhere I go. I'm trying to see the good in this. Can't. Anyway I look at it, it's all bad. Missing school. Maybe for a week. Need help getting around. If you don't know, I don't drive. Walking is my main mode of transportation. And now, that's taken away from me. For at least a while. I don't like to dwell on things. Or be angry but I'm doing all of that. And even more. It's making me stronger. Sure. Making me find out my limitations as an individual? Certainly. I guess these are the good parts of the situtation, but for the most part, I'm helpless. Like Neil. Hopefully this will be over soon. I know it will be a tough road. But I'm ready to walk down it. Grow stronger. Try to be more positive. See the light come through.

vintage: stevie wonder drum solo

The most amazing thing ever...

people - queen latifah feat. mary j blige

Good to hear Queen rappin' again. The album Persona is in stores now.

kanye steals mva thunder

we remember: jim carroll..

1/
Genius is not a generous thing
In return it charges more interest than any amount of royalties can cover
And it resents fame
With bitter vengeance

Pills and powdres only placate it awhile
Then it puts you in a place where the planet's poles reverse
Where the currents of electricity shift

Your Body becomes a magnet and pulls to it despair and rotten teeth,
Cheese whiz and guns

Whose triggers are shaped tenderly into a false lust
In timeless illusion

2/
The guitar claws kept tightening, I guess on your heart stem.
The loops of feedback and distortion, threaded right thru
Lucifer's wisdom teeth, and never stopped their reverbrating
In your mind

And from the stage
All the faces out front seemed so hungry
With an unbearably wholesome misunderstanding

From where they sat, you seemed so far up there
High and live and diving

And instead you were swamp crawling
Down, deeper
Until you tasted the Earth's own blood
And chatted with the Buzzing-eyed insects that heroin breeds

3/
You should have talked more with the monkey
He's always willing to negotiate
I'm still paying him off...
The greater the money and fame
The slower the Pendulum of fortune swings

Your will could have sped it up...
But you left that in a plane
Because it wouldn't pass customs and immigration

4/
Here's synchronicity for you:

Your music's tape was inside my walkman
When my best friend from summer camp
Called with the news about you

I listened them...
It was all there!
Your music kept cutting deeper and deeper valleys of sound
Less and less light
Until you hit solid rock

The drill bit broke
and the valley became
A thin crevice, impassible in time,
As time itself stopped.

And the walls became cages of brilliant notes
Pressing in...
Pressure
That's how diamonds are made
And that's WHERE it sometimes all collapses
Down in on you

5/
Then I translated your muttered lyrics
And the phrases were curious:
Like "incognito libido"
And "Chalk Skin Bending"

The words kept getting smaller and smaller
Until
Separated from their music
Each letter spilled out into a cartridge
Which fit only in the barrel of a gun

6/
And you shoved the barrel in as far as possible
Because that's where the pain came from
That's where the demons were digging

The world outside was blank
Its every cause was just a continuation
Of another unsolved effect

7/
But Kurt...
Didn't the thought that you would never write another song
Another feverish line or riff
Make you think twice?
That's what I don't understand
Because it's kept me alive, above any wounds

8/
If only you hadn't swallowed yourself into a coma in Roma...
You could have gone to Florence
And looked into the eyes of Bellinni or Rafael's Portraits

Perhaps inside them
You could have found a threshold back to beauty's arms
Where it all began...

No matter that you felt betrayed by her

That is always the cost
As Frank said,
Of a young artist's remorseless passion

Which starts out as a kiss
And follows like a curse

rip jim carroll

I always loved writing. But it wasn't when I got older and started to understand the philosophy of building a sentence was when I started to come in to my own. Created my own identity as a writer. I learned from some of the best in radio and the newspaper game to be a journalist however it was Jim Carroll - author of Basketball Diaries - that taught me that writing was about self expression and not about grammatical correctness. He taught me to throw out the rule book for writing. Write what you want. How you want. With the language you want. For this I owe him a lot. Thanks for teaching me, Jim. You will be missed.

From The Australian

POET and musician Jim Carroll, who chronicled his teenage drug use in The Basketball Diaries, has died in New York at age 60.

In the 1970s, Carroll was a fixture of the burgeoning downtown New York art scene, where he mixed with artists such as Andy Warhol, Patti Smith, Larry Rivers and Robert Mapplethorpe. His life was shaped by drug use, which he wrote about extensively.

The son of a bar owner, Carroll attended Trinity, an elite private school on Manhattan's Upper West Side, on a basketball scholarship. He excelled at sport but from the age of 13 was leading a double life.

He experimented with heroin and supported his addiction by hustling gay men; he wrote about these experiences in The Basketball Diaries.

The book, which began life as a journal, was first published in 1978 and became particularly popular on university campuses when it was issued as a mass-market paperback two years later. A 1995 movie version starred Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Wahlberg.

Carroll's poetry career started even earlier. He was in his teens when he first received recognition for his poems, especially Organic Trains in 1967, then 4 Ups and 1 Down in 1970.

It was his raw and fiery poetry, in verse form and in his lyrics for the Jim Carroll Band, that quickly earned him a reputation as a new Bob Dylan.

"I met him in 1970 and already he was pretty much universally recognised as the best poet of his generation," singer and poet Patti Smith told The New York Times.

"The work was sophisticated and elegant. He had beauty."

Carroll spent time with and around some of the most acclaimed poets, musicians and other artists of his and other generations: Smith, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, and beat poet Allen Ginsberg, who lauded the younger man's poetry and occasionally performed with him.

In the 1970s Carroll worked with Warhol at his famous Factory and contributed to the pop artist's films, collaborated with the likes of Lou Reed and lived for a period with Smith and Mapplethorpe.

In music Carroll had an outsized influence on underground rock and punk, and his 1980 album Catholic Boy is considered a punk classic. The album's biggest hit, People Who Died, was a litany of his friends who had passed away, many of drug overdoses or murder, and was featured on the soundtrack to the Steven Spielberg blockbuster ET: The Extra-Terrestrial.

Carroll's former wife Rosemary Carroll told The New York Times he died on Friday of a heart attack.

aman's drunken 19th...

Birthday's brought out Aman's childlike nature. For someone who was a year older than me, Aman had a good balance of being an immiature child and a mature older brother. But it seemed like on his birthday was when he threw the whole maturity thing out the window and became a kid again. He loved his birthdays.

It was his 19th birthday that I remember most. We were bored on a Saturday night. It was his birthday few days prior. We decided to celebrate it. As the new legal non-drinker, he decided to have a few drinks that night. He confidently entered the LCBO and got a whole mix-bag of different liquors, beers and mixers.

Obviously the guy behind the counter knew he was dealing with a rookie.

Back then, neither of us drank. Too much. Maybe once every two months? If that? We were both lightweights. We knew tonight will get dirty. We headed to a close by park and started to drink in the car. Talking, gossiping, telling jokes, stories. Having a hear-to-heart. Boy stuff. As the night progressed, we started to get a bit tipsy. That's when the games stared. We made up a game. It went like this. One person says something and whoever has done it, has to take a shot. This was pretty bad since we both knew a lot about each other. We were basically getting each other really drunk. Really fast.

Before you knew it, we were hammered. Laughing. Mumbling. Blasting the music from the car stereo. Having a great time. We decided that we needed to sober up. Aman was way too drunk to drive so we got out of the car and walked over to our local coffee joint. It seemed like it took hours for us to get to a place that was only 15 minutes away. Wobbling, Stopping. I fell and hurt my jaw because I tried to light my smoke but lost my balance. Aman was worse. He didn't get hurt, but every few steps he would hold on to something to make sure the world wasn't really turning really fast. After we got the coffee shop and medicated my injured jaw, we headed back home. We thought it best that Aman sleep over. Which he did.

We fell asleep in front of the TV. My mom was wondering why Aman's car was a few miles down the road and not in the driveway. We made up some bad story. We think she bought it, but I'm sure she knew the truth.

As the years followed, we ended up having better birthdays. More elaborate birthdays. Less intoxicating birthdays. But that 19th one was my favorite. Even though I already knew Aman very well and were already like brothers, that night I felt like I got to know him even more. I got to know about how loyal of a friend he was. How funny he could be. How sincere he was. Funny what liquor does to you.

It's around this time of year when I will think and appreciate Aman's awesome traits and dry sense of humor and one liners. But most of all. I'll remember his friendship and his childlike spirit that is missed so much.

an open letter to nyc - the beastie boys

A day late, but still. A nice tribute to NYC from the Boys...

super lyrical - big pun feat. black thought

Lyrically, I'm supposed to represent....Boom Bap.

crazy crazy...

I've been very introspective lately. I don't know if it's just this indescribable feeling I've been having. This loafer type feeling where I don't really want to do anything or the loss of energy has given me this burst of energy at the same time where I've become very creative. More creative than usual. I feel like I'm on this creative wonder drug that's giving me a Red Bull high to do new stuff. Explore. Imagine. Wonder. It's a pretty cool feeling but don't get it. It's not like I'm really like this all the time. It's good I am. It's getting my mind off things. I think I've done some of my best work in a long while. I'm proud of that. I feel accomplished at the end of the day. At school today I just wanted to come home and do my own stuff. Felt like I didn't really have time to do this real work. As much as I'm being creative, though the deeper I'm looking into myself and understanding the things swirling around in my head. Crazy thoughts. Too many thoughts. Thoughts that are going everywhere. From every direction. Crazy, I know.

reflections internals: the last summer i thought i'd live..

I've been thinking about doing a feature on my blog like this for a while now. I just didn't know how honest I could be. I decided a job as a writer is to give the reader your all. Even if it's the most honest you'll ever be. Even if it will leave you crying in the corner for the rest of the night. Even if you'll loose your friends because of it. Being a writer or a good one means that you are giving the reader a part of you. Your honest perspective of your life. Your giving away a piece of your soul every time you jot down a word. This is why writers are artists, too. Reflection Internals will be a new feature on my blog where I will share stories from my life in a straight up perspective. This will be interessting..


I always felt like the summer of 1992 would be the last summer I would ever live. It felt like that. Everyone who knew was treating me like it'd be the last time I would see them. And it almost was.


I was due for a back surgery that September. September 11th to be exact. I had scoliosis. A curvature in the spine. The doctors said that I wouldn't grow If I left it for another few years. We decided that we should get it before I stop growing. I was promised I was going to get to at least 5'8 - my fathers height. I wasn't too afraid since I had already had a few trips to the hospital. Once to get my extra thumbs removed. The next time was for my tonsils. Followed by my eye surgery. I was a vet in a way.

It was just that feeling I got that I wasn't going to be around to see grade 8.



I got to Sick Kids in the morning with my mother. We met with the doctor. We did the surgery prep. Everything was a-go. I remember it being a cool winter/fall day. There was something in the air. A crispy wind. We were assured that everything would be good. It was my back. How would I die? They said I would be out in time to watch the baseball finals at home next week. I was confident everything would turn out fine. We were just thinking too much. The day went fast. I remember after the surgery, I slept a lot. I shared my room with a cancer patient. He was around my age. 12 or 13 or maybe even 14. I don't remember. His mother and my Mom became fast friends. I remember I would wake up and hear them talking about us. My visitors started to come the following day. My family were there all day. Everyone was talking about my Sister's birthday which we celebrated in my hospital room and the Blue Jays World Series dreams. I was feeling fine. A little weak, but fine. Better than I thought.

I had a cool toy to play with. It was shaped like a baseball bat. There was a button on top of it. Every time I felt like I needed some meds, I would just hit it and a bunch of codeine. It was great. It was years before I ever touched or ever thought of doing drugs, but this high was cool. It kept me awake and happy enough and nothing really did hurt. My back, my lungs. My head. Nothing. I was a happy camper and when I became a unhappy camper, I would press my button again the joy would return. It was my automatic drug dealer.


And it was legal.


The next couple of days were a blur. I remember a bunch of my relatives came down from the States. It was a Saturday. I was awake for some of it. Then I fell asleep.
This was when I thought I would never wake up again.

When I finally woke up it was almost a week later. I was told that I almost died. The nurses at the big hospital on University fell asleep on duty and weren't monitoring my intake of the dream drug. I fell into a deep sleep. Good thing my uncle from the States was there who was also a doctor. One look at me he knew that I shouldn't be looking like this. I was told I gained 50 pounds from just pumping the drug toy. My face was fat. The family rushed to get the doctors. I woke up. All I remember was having a bunch of doctors and nurses around me in my bed doing various things to my body. They were trying to keep me calm by talking about the Blue Jays. This next part is what really freaked me out. While I had doctors working on me, I heard my sisters screaming to my mother outside the room telling her that they don't want to go home and want to sleep downtown at my aunts. They were scared something would happen. I remember looking to the right side of the room against the wall. There was a bench. My father was sitting on it. He was crying. Balling, actually. I knew something was up. I was just a bit too drowsy to really react. People were talking to me. They were working on me. Tons of movement. A lot of crying. Screaming. I was worried. I didn't know what was going on. But I was too weak to really do anything. Too weak..

I fell asleep.


Fast forward when I woke up again. I heard the stories. I heard that they were going to sue the hospital. I heard that I almost died. I heard that I was lucky to be alive. I heard the stories of how my family and relatives couldn't sleep that night when they heard the news and they were waiting to hear that I'll be alright. If I was going to come out of that deep sleep. If I were going to live.

Years later, I still have dreams about it. It was a traumatic experience. I was a lucky boy that night. I don't know what good I did before, But God must've done something to have saved me from his gates that weekend. I never really talked about it after. It wasn't till years later when I admitted that that night's experience deeply bothered me for years. I felt like I saw my own death. Something I never want to do again. I have these dreams at times when I see my own death. The picture is very similar to that night in Sick Kids hospital room back in early Fall of 1992.

This was one time I thanked God for keeping me around. I knew it had to do with some kind of divine spiritual being that made me wake up again. Something higher and stronger than doctors and nurses and family love was on my side that night. As much as I hate that night and have nightmares about it and caused me to go see a shrink, I think about it when I have doubt in the stronger power. The strongest power. If it's there or not. If it's real or not. That night, I was a believer.

our kids blog: having some fun

Here's my latest blog for Our Kids Magazine..

On this long weekend, I thought I would set aside some time to have some fun and a quick laugh. Found this list You Know Your a Waldorf Kid When.. on a Waldorf Facebook group page.

You know your a Waldorf kid when…

1. you know pencil shavings make everything prettier

2. you rip your pants and instead of throwing them away, you whip out thread and a needle and fix them

3. fairies and gnomes were your childhood friends

4. there’s no need to research the dating history of your boyfriend/ girlfriend, you know everyone they’ve dated

5. knitting is not just a new trend- you’ve done it since first grade

6. you’ve made socks, hats, potholders, flute cases, stuffed animals, and sewn your own clothes

7. as you kiss your boyfriend/ girlfriend, you realize it is like kissing a sibling… you break up

8. it doesn’t seem weird to have the same teacher for eight years

9. you can never escape your ex… they’ll probably date your best friend

10. tie dye was part of your dress code as a child

11. at least one of your woman teachers doesn’t shave

12. you’ve dyed your hair an unnatural color at least once… or wondered what you would look like with purple hair

13. you’ve held hands and skipped around a pole, and no one thought it was weird

14. you’ve lived in a house without TV at some point

15. you can spell out words with your arms… no need for the finger

16. you have eurythmy shoes laying around your house

17. you’ve worn a eurythmy gown

18. you know what eurythmy is

19. you’ve had a crush on all the guys/ girls in your class

20. everybody in the school knows if you ditch class, or break a rule or hook up with somebody

21. you know not to breathe near the blue paint

22. you can play a wooden recorder

23. you can never forget your embarrassing childhood- they chose a picture of you to go on the school brochure

24. you didn’t have barbies or GI Joe, you had silks and wooden trucks

25. you know all the bible stories even though you’ve never set foot inside a church

26. you wonder if Waldorf has an agreement with Volvo to only drive their cars

27. cheerleaders, football players, and all things “public school” are not only scorned, but feared

28. you’ve been asked “isn’t that a cult” when you say you go to Waldorf

29. the thought of main lesson book nights haunt you years after you graduate

30. you’ve been in at least one Shakespeare play

31. you’ve used the words “Waldork” and “Waldorfian”

32. you couldn’t wait to get out of there, but once you did you wanted to be back

33. you don’t know the pledge of allegiance, but “I do behold the world” and the Bell Ringing verse are permanently imprinted in your brain

34. you know in your heart that no matter how hard you try to escape, you will always be a child of Waldorf

kamau pushes back 09.09.09. release..

From Kamau's Facebook page.

I'm writing this because I'm a little disappointed...

September, 9, 2009 (09/09/09) is my 30th birthday, I wanted to release my album on this day because of the significance of the date. Nine is a number of completion, the last number before a restart/reset. Nine is the last number before ten, ninety-nine the last digit before one hundred etc. It symbolizes completion, not an end, completion is the end of a cycle not an entire process, meaning the completion of a stage/phase and entering into a new phase. Like in a relay each runner completes their phase of the course and passes the baton to the next runner to do their part. It also wasn't lost on my that no matter how many of the nines you ad up (9x1 / 9x2 / 9x3) they all equal a number that if the two digits are added up also equal 9... (i.e. 9x2=27 2+7-9).. nine multiplied by any number from 0-10 will equal nine when you add the two numbers in the answer. Three is also a significant number in that many things simplest group of things.. you can't have a simpler grouping then three.. one less then three is two and that is a pair not a group. Three sections/phases of three are 9.. like three groups of ten are thirty. This might seem a little strange to some, but this is the reason that I was pushing to have my album come out on this day. I've also recently heard that this day is my "solar return" the first day that the sun will be in the exact place it was at on the day I was born (thanks for the conversation amrit) symbols/signs.. things that tell you what to do. I know, I know.. I don't want to get too deep into this... sorry

I say all that to say this, my album is not coming out on 09/09/09 but it is coming out. I will be having a little birthday/listening party at anitafrika where I will play pieces of the upcoming album and the new mixtape (Vol. 2) on September 9th but won't put the album out yet. I was going to be too much of a rush and with everything else that I'm doing probably would have killed me to do it. I'm (still) too young to die. It's a little disappointing though I must admit.

But... I decided to wait because the 09/09/09 date will come and go in 24 hours and I hope the album will last a little longer then that. I'm waiting because I want to make the best album that I can make right now with the limited resources that I have. I write, produce and record in my apartment (sun gallery) and work at the same time, I also spend a lot of time on writing so it takes a long time to get things done (sometimes I wish I was one of those artists who just came and dropped a 16 on someone elses beat already complete with hook and sequencing recorded by and engineer... it would make this music come out way faster.. but i'm writer, producer, arranger, recording engineer and designer.. time consuming.. and i have a job). I also don't have management so every detail of putting something out has been on me thus far.. hopefully that will change one day.

I'm writing this as much for me as for anyone who may be interested, trying to tell myself that it's okay I guess, or explain or something. I realize that this album is is very important to me, what it says, it won't be easy to listen to, I mean it will be hard to play as background music, I would be surprised if it got much radio play, but hopefully people will appreciate it when it comes out and support it. I've pretty much sacrificed my entire summer for this album.. some people have been frustrated with me because I haven't been going out, seeing them, hanging out or supporting the many events that happen in the city.. I apologize, I need to concentrate on my own thing right now for my own sanity, I will connect with you soon, I promise.

My close friends and my family, the people who are really close to me and love me have all been extremely supportive and understanding though.. I've missed their birthday parties, bbqs, gatherings and get-togethers, I haven't seen them in many cases or visited with family (seen my Godson) in a long time.. so.. I really appreciate your support, understanding and patience in the process of me pushing for one of my (many) dreams, it means a lot to me, your honest support, you have no idea.

I've also had the support of many talented people in the city (and out) who have worked on the album or will work on something related to the album (artwork, video, vocals, music etc etc).. and to those people I also want to say thank you for you contribution, dedication and excitement in collaborating, I hope this album will be about community as much as it will be about personal expression, I'll let you be the judge when it comes out.

I'm not setting another date until I have a master copy in my hand, that's not too far off, I have ten songs at mix already, four more will go to my engineers this week (peace to Kris Blair and Elijah Walsh for being supportive and excited about mixing the project, means a lot to me). I also want to make sure that my promo can be executed the the best of my ability (indie) and forcing the album out for 09/09/09 would not have allowed for that, there is much that I still need to put in place.

So for the people who have been asking me about the album and supporting me in this album journey I just wanted to say that I appreciate it, your support and interest that is, and although the album will take a little longer to come out, it will come out, I don't want to say when anymore, but sooner then later.

Below is a download link to the first song off of the September Nine Mixtape Vol. 2.. the entire mixtape will be available on... you guessed it... September Nine.. and the album is on it's way.

sincerely,

Ian Kamau

To learn more about his Birthday and Listening Party check the Facebook invite page here..Here's a leaked single from the album. The track is called Make You Love Me.

today's deep thought by lily allen

"I find it's a weird world that we live in. I'm the worst culprit. I'm a total victim to material things. But you don't forget, because you're consuming at that rate and people are directly suffering as a result."

never ever and ever ever. always.

Met you. Liked you. Short while. Don't know what happened. This thing happened. Don't know what it is. It's something. Something that feels great. It's that kinda great feeling that also feels dangerous to feel. That dangerous feeling that you don't know what would happen if you loose it. Loosing it would be the worst. It's that kinda great feeling where you want it but don't want it. You get all confused. Excited. Nervous. Stomach starts to roll around in weird ways. You get emotional at stupid chick flicks. That kinda feeling. Great, but yeah. Still dangerous. There's the times when I wished I said more. When I did more. I showed more. I cared more. The times when I should've said more. I could've done more. I shoulda' showed more. I coulda' cared more. But I didn't do that should have's, the could have's or the shoulda's or coulda's. I don't regret it. I don't regret anything. But I wonder what would've happened if I did. If these pent up feelings would bother me so much. They give me headaches. The headaches you get when you think of the future. Life. I start thinking too much. I don't know. I never really want to stop feeling this way. I would have this rather knowing anything else. Dangerous, I know. But nice. Always.