ever and always..

“My Dad always told me ‘Flowers mean I’m sorry, chocolates mean I love you.’” ~Lauren Conrad

Staring blankly. Roaming around the interweb. Wondering. Thinking about what happened. Contemplating my next move. Step forward. Trying to move forward. Always. Never like going backwards. Kinda brain numb. Without anything to really think about but at the same time too much to think about. Should I say these words I don't like saying? Should I? Is it worth it? I think so. It's worth the world. To me at least. Hope they think so. To me. I don't know where it went wrong. Well, I do. Just don't like to admit mistakes. Hate it. I'm always right. Even when I'm wrong. Stubbornness runs in the family. Something I have to leave, but it's still there the next morning. Been there for years. Not happy about it. What can I say? I'm sorry? You make me feel good? I shouldn't have said that? I don't know. I feel kinda empty. For more reasons than just that, but that's just another story. Another entry. Another write-up. Another blog. For another time. I'm busy. Tons on my mind. Always. But for the brief time you were in my life, you made it all worthwhile. Made me look forward to tomorrow. And the next day. And the following day. And the day after that. And I was looking forward to be feeling like that forever. Forever and always. Then I said something out of anger. I shouldn't have said. Something I do regret. Regret is something I don't do. I move forward and stronger through experience. But for that I do regret. Because I said it to you. Maybe it's my fault for falling too close to the tree. Maybe I should start looking farther away. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe this would just make our bound tighter. Don't know. All I know is that I think I lost something that could be huge. Something that could be an awesome part of my life. Our life. Not together, but like. You know. Like. Us knowing each other. No matter the whole meaning behind it. Just as long as you're in my life. Yeah. I said it. I never met anyone like you. You make me humble. That's something really hard for me to do. Or feel. Humble. Make me feel young. Real. Make me want to poke myself and be happy that I'm alive. Make me want to make up corny sentences just because it feels good to do it. Cheese. Make me look up cheesy quotes from The Hills and just pray that I can still have some type of masculine dignity when doing so. Still staring blankly. At least I got this off my mind. I shouldn't have said it. I shouldn't have said anything. I should've just played the game and let it be. Let it be until the time was better. Let you keep the canvas' because they would be tainted otherwise. I would never be able to forgive myself. What else can I say? Sorry? Staring blankly. Wondering. Thinking about what happened.