she loves me..

Back in the day when I was a teenager ,
Before I had status, before I had a pager,
I found hip-hop and fell in love with the hits
and though I’ve grown up yeah I’m still pumpin it’

When I fell in love with Hip Hop music and knew SHE had made an imprint on my life, I wanted to give back. I wanted to do something to represent the culture I was falling in love with. I wanted to pay back my imaginary friend. The one who was beside me through many teenage down times. I tired to break dance. Tried for a while, but then my back surgery happened. Had to quit. I wanted to get into radio, so I thought the next natural step would be djing and in a way, I kinda was. I didn't spin but I would make mixtapes with my collection of tracks I picked up from the tape store and stuff I would get from the radio. When I tried to actually use a turntable, I sucked. Never got the hang of it. I then tried to graf. Did that for a while. Love it still. I still bomb once in a while and I use the knowledge I picked up from that in my paintings and graphic art. As a writer, I thought I would be a great emcee. However, I can't freestyle. Last weekend a friend asked me to drop a flow. Couldn't. Ask me to write a paragraph about my day? Sure thing. I can do that. No problem. But ask me to rhyme it out over an impromptu beat at a house party half wasted? You gotta be kidding. For a while there, I thought I had disappointed my friend in the dark. I thought I couldn't give to her as she had given to me. I thought I was a bad friend.

During my confinement of companionship from the culture, I realized that Hip Hop never asked me for anything. Just to be there. It's that type of friend. She never wants anything. Just knowing that you care is good enough. When she was with me when I heard some tracks and lyrics that hit me because they were so true, she realized how much I cared. How much I would have loved to appreciate her more by giving her back something. To this day when an emcee spits a line about the culture I still get teary eyed. I still want to sit down and wonder why this nonphysical life form has effected me so much. But then I remember it is physical. It's physical in me, you and everyone else who practices the culture. The DJs, the emcee's, the graff artists. The breakers. Hip Hop is alive and well and physical in many life forms. Just listen to KRS One speak. That's Hip Hop right there. Kris is just the messenger.

Most recently MC Serch known from his days with 3rd Bass, rhymed a rhyme that gets me every time I hear it. It goes like this;


I am Hip Hop music and I use it to get by
and this culture accepted me for the skin that was on me.....

When I hear a line like that I'm reminded how much love I have for her. And how much she didn't care that I didn't really have anything to give her. Maybe just being there and appreciating the beauty she possess' is good enough for her. Maybe she just needs acceptance back. Maybe she needs us to love her. I think she might need that more than ever.


She knows I'll be there..