matters of the heart.

Matters of the Heart.

I don't write about it much on here. Well. I used to. But that was way back when. When this page was in its infancy, the clouds were the darkest on the brightest of days, the coffee wasn't ever hot enough and I was on the course of completing 97 days of sobriety.

Things have changed.

Are the clouds dark again? Coffee cold? Am I heading for another sober streak? No. I am not. I hardly see any clouds. The Coffee is as hot as ever, I have been able to balance my drinking habit to a moderate level where I don't need to lay down on a black couch every few weeks while popping her a few bills at the end of the hour session. And yeah. The page is in its 3rd year and growing stronger by the day.

So why am I talking about It again? It's healthy to talk about It. Isn't It what we strive for? Even the unlikely person is looking for It. It rules everything around us.

Wu Tang might say otherwise.

It makes us stay up long after our bedtime to write on our blog because we noticed a picture of someone we had It with a few years back and we start to sing old Lionel Ritchie and Kool and the Gang ballads in our heads and seem to forget about yesterday.

It. It created those moments of sitting on a patio alone. Talking. Crafted that perfect scenery of enjoying ice cream together on a hot afternoon in August. Brought us together to enjoy drinks late at night only to text each other until we both got into bed. It's not It that I miss. It's her.

Correction.

It's that It I miss. Every time I get that It feeling with someone new, It is different. The It I had with her. Brand new. It seemed like something that was conceptualized in those Van Gogh art pieces we admired. Or when we idealized about living in the good ol' 1930s only to swing our lives away.....


....But see. Here's the thing.


I'm not asking to be back in her life. My heart isn't aching without her. It hasn't for a long time. I have moved on.

What I can say is that this is a note of fond memories that I cherish (Yes, I did listen to that Kool and the Gang joint a couple more times than I should have). The memories that were sparked by seeing a picture tonight. The picture reminded me of It. How I had It with her but for some reason, it was taken away from us.

Time has gone on. We have progressed. I'm happy. I'm sure she's happy, too.

Before I head up to wake up to another cloudless morning, let me leave you with this. No matter how many times we find It in life, It will be special and different with every person. Some will give you the sparks. Others will make your hairs stand up. A couple will make your heart race faster than anyone else has. But no matter how many times you try to forget, that special It you had with them will always be inside you.


Never let It go.