texts from last night...

Text Messages from Last Night..

(480): allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed

Labels: (480)
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(618): do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
(317): Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.


(310): it was a shit show
(917): We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.

(310): Why did I cab home last night?
(1-310): Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.


(402): Houston.. we have a drinking problem..


(303): I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality


(847): Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.

(716): fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.


(773): Taylor Swift is so right about you.

(978): you're drinking in the law library????
(978): ...not a bad idea....
(508): probably not a good idea either.


(760): can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
(760): oh geez, wrong person.


(703): Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.


(630): I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.


(585): i'm signing you up for texting rehab


(803): So drunk i had to piss sitting down...


(310): I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
(415): Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?


(702): Kareoke will never be a sober sport


(303): I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.


(856): My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?


(904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.


(817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
(1-817): OMG. What did u say?
(817): I told her I did too.


(802): I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat


(913): i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
(816): i think im in thre room next to you



(805): talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts


(650): Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time