day 69

Day 69. At first counting the days helped me get to the next day and then the day after that and then the following days after that but now, it's just a way to be proud of myself. A good way to say look at me, I haven't had a pint or a rum and coke for this long. It's not that I don't need support and the mental cheer section because I do but now, it's so much easier than it was say 60 days ago. Tomorrow will be 10 weeks without any alcohol consumption and it looks like I'll hit 100 days without a problem. The thing is though, I look at others who try to cut down their alcohol intake and realize how addicted they are to the substance. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Hell, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't been able to go this long a year ago. It was just the right time for me. And they have to find a good time for them. For me, It was a time when I felt I was emotionally a drugged out heroine addict bent over in the sewers looking for loose change to buy my next dose and saw my own reflection in the fresh puddles below me and when I did I didn't like what I saw. Addiction creeps up on you until it's too late and you find yourself stealing money or being sick because you can't get that hit - in whichever form it may come in. I also realized how much more freedom I have since I quit drinking. Freedom like how an abused women might feel after she kicks out the guy who hit her everyday or like how an x-con might feel after being outside for the first time in years. Yeah, I do compare my addiction to being hit everyday and being in jail. Anything that has more power over yourself is abuse. Abuse to your mental and emotional self. Now, I feel like there isn't anything - person, thing, or substance that's controlling me or my thoughts. It's good to be free..


I don't want to ramble and sound like an after school special, but all I would like to say is that if you would like to quit, don't wait till you're that bum on the street looking at your reflection in the puddles but know when it's your time to quit. When you know you absolutely don't want to depend on it anymore. When you know that it's taking over your life. When you know it's Time. Only you will know, and it's only you who can keep it going. Day 69 didn't come without any urges or late nights waking up in sweats because I wanted just one shot or glass of some type of liquid sensation, it came with constantly reminding myself that if I were to cave in I would fall right back into that trap and again, become that guy I didn't like.

It's a tough road, but very rewarding when you conquer it.