fictional experiences

When I get that moment when I can't seem to articulate myself in writing, I tend to stop. Tell myself that it just isn't time and just wait till next time. The next time I get a feeling to write. This time is different. I just wanted to try again. See how it goes. At first I thought I'd write a fictional story about this fictional girl during this fictional experience. But I couldn't. The fictional time, I didn't want to relive. The fictional girl I couldn't write about. Yet. Too early. I still care. The fictional place I still go. It's the fiction stuff I tend to have hard time with. It's reliving the idolization of it all. Trying to capture that fictional moment to make it perfect. I'm not a fiction writer. I care. I write about truth. What's inside. What I care about. But I care too much that some things that can't be known. That need to be thought of as fiction. I still have to get over that insecurity of mine. As a writer, I need to be open. Ready for hurt and exposure and truth. Fictional writing is hard. It'll get easier along the way. When I stop caring still.