things i used to do..

I remember the days when I was able to paint for no good reason. Just because it was the only way I was able to get things off my mind. I remember when I was able to play music on my ghetto DJ system for hours. Just because my mind told me so. And it was the right thing to do. I remember it was OK to draw on other people's walls and think it was OK because otherwise I would be doing something worse. Things I did to get my mind off things. Things I still love doing. Things I still do. But it seems I need more behind that than just doing it. Playing music, painting, bombing. All creative expressions of self that I have done while occupied in my bubble while not letting anyone in till I was ready to talk. To share. Or come home. Things I used to do. I used to run between two 12" vinyls for hours. One song to the other. Simple mixing between the two. No real talent needed. I just wanted an excuse to wear my headphones and let the world be out there for a while. While my whole world was inside the two huge mufflers pounding beats and various funk samples from the 70s. As we grow older and things get tougher seems like we need more of a distraction that just having music distract us. Or art. We need more. More stuff to get our minds off our big people problems. Is that why we drink? Is the bottle the big people bombing on the wall or painting or listening to music? There must be something easier. And healthier. And less expensive. And more conducive to our mental well being. If you find something, let me know. I'll have my headphones on.