then or now, i just know i still love doing it

Recently there has been a purpose for my writing. A reason. A poem, movie review, a dream I had to note down. Something. I missed writing for just writing. I was looking back at some of my older entries on this blog yesterday and most of them were just me jotting down thoughts, emotions. Feelings. Now, it seems like I'm just writing because there's a reason behind it.

I miss having no reason to do something. I miss the days when we just do when we want to. For no real reason. Just to do it.

I promised myself that today I would. Here it goes.

Recently, I've been working a lot. I got my Facebook Fan Page up. Doing a lot of work on that. Posting some old material, art, videos. Stuff like that. Basically it's been doing design work. Write. Eat. More design work. Write some more. Take a break. Eat. Write some more. Design a bit more. Paint.

My creative energy hasn't been so powerful for a long while. I don't want to waste it while it's still burning.

I have this stool. I made it in woodworking class back in Grade 8. It was the only thing I ever completed in that class. All three years I was in it. I still have it. I finished building it just in time for the last class. I never got to paint it. Tomorrow I'm planning on it. Better late than never.

While I was reading the older entries, I was reading back to when I quit drinking. Last week, I thought I was ready again. To go on that trip. To break the 97 day record. I lasted 2 days. I was upset with myself. My will power. The will power I know that's there. That helped me beat that huge monster before. I was upset that I disappointed the friends that I told about me trying to quit drinking again. I know I need to quit. Maybe that's why I'm trying to work a lot. Because I need to keep busy. Keep my mind off things. I'm also having trouble sleeping. It's been happening for a while now, but it's been getting worse and worse in the past month. Only a few hours of sleep. Wake up. Shove around. Turn on TV. Watch a repeat of some 80's sitcom. Turn to another channel. Flip around a bit. Turn off the TV. Try listening to the radio. Doze off a bit. Wake up a half hour later. Repeat. I wake up early. Do everything by noon. Go to sleep. Wake up in mid-afternoon and try to get back to work. I eat and work at the same time while watching my nightly TV shows and then try to head to bed before midnight. That has been my days.


I remember the days when I loved writing overnight. When everyone was sleeping. When I would sneak downstairs to grab a coffee and had to tip-toe around the house to sneak a smoke outside and to get some type of inspiration from the night air. Now, I would rather write when It's the day and am able to play music and gather inspiration through the tunes. Either way. I still love writing. It's been here for me. Then or now, I just know I still love doing it. Even when I don't have to do it.