done, again

I'm done again. I'm on day four. It's going well. I haven't really craved it. I don't really want any. I realized last week that I haven't stopped drinking since I started again in June 2008. It's been a non-stop roller coaster ride of drunken ups and downs, and forgotten nights. I think it's time for a break. For a long while. My goal is to break my previous record of 97 days of being sober. I know I can do it. I tried a few months ago, but I was doing it for the wrong reasons. This time, I know I want it. Want it more than anything else. I feel like I did back in March 2008 when I started that 97 day streak.

Just being sober for four days, I've noticed the change in me. I wake up without a headache. I'm able to concentrate at school more. I can remember things. I don't smell funny. My breath smells good. I don't have to pull out a hundred bucks to last me the night. I'm eating more. I'm alive. I went out on both Saturday and Friday to the bar. Much like what I did the last time I quit. And no. It didn't bother me. I was able to sit with everyone drinking and never really wanted a sip. However, something that did happen that didn't happen before is that I'm getting tired earlier. I'm going home earlier. I can actually get a nice eight hour sleep on the weekend and wake up before 11 o'clock. So refreshing. There's so many positives about this the list is never ending, however, it's more than that to keep the streak going. It's me actually wanting it. Me not giving into temptation. The thirst of a nice cold beer from the tap or the cool sensation of a rum and coke while listening to some live music on a patio. It's me being able to see the finish line and knowing that I will get there even if I have to crawl. It will take time, effort, positivity and strength. I've done it before and I can do it again.

I'm done, again.