i quit

sometimes in life, you have to progress faster than ever and never look back. progression usually is something that occurs over a long period of time - slowly taking one step at a time trying to find yourself. this is what i found out that i have to do. progress faster than ben johnson on steroids. there's a few stops in this race that i'll have to pass by before the whole progression race is done. the first step was realized today.

i quit drinking.

almost ten years of constant beer chugging, vodka swigging and shot dropping, and i'm done. i realized that much of the things that are wrong in my life stem from drinking. from being drunk. from not able to control myself or control what i think or know what i'm thinking and doing. it's sad. i thought to myself this morning how i used to be such a different person before my drinking started. inspired, ambitious, fun loving, happy. i think everything is kinda going away slowly. very slowly but i still see all these wonderful qualities swirl down the sink along with the remains of the pint glass.

don't get me wrong. there's a bunch of positive things that could come out of drinking if you can control it and be good at controlling it. i think i've done a great job of doing that for the past few years but it's gotten to a time where i was too dependent on it. i needed it after work to relax. needed it to talk to girls and chill with friends. needed it to get away from everyone. needed it to think clearer. needed it to live. i don't think i was an alcoholic at all. hell, i was never able to drink or even smell beer until after 4pm the earliest. in the past few months, i started to drink at 2 or 3 o'clock. i knew it was becoming a problem, but i was bothered by the problem of what could be if i quit. now, after realizing what problems have occurred due to drinking and so close of loosing a good friend due to alcohol, i knew that there wouldn't be anymore `i'll quit next month or next year or it'll be my new years resolution next year'. i needed to quit now. today.

today the first day of the rest of my life.


the journey is going to be a hard one. and yes, they'll be times when i want a sip and cheat and hideout in a local bar no one goes to and get myself into a drunken haze but it's a journey that i'm looking forward on taking because it'll be the return of the old me. the guy who battled four surgeries before his fifth birthday. the guy who called up tom rivers at 9 years old and got to be a regular on the r.a.f. on cftr. the one who i liked and so did everyone else.


so what are the other stops in the journey? i'll tell ya that later. i just want to concentrate on the first steps right now.