the r word.

Resolutions. Bad word. I was never into that word. I never liked to have New Years Resolutions. I never really dug doing that I will quit smoking or drinking or I will be nicer to so and so this year. Maybe it's the whole authority behind it. I don't like. Kinda like me spiritually pointing at my outer self and giving me an order that I have to do the following to be a good person. I was never one to take orders. Anyway. I also get nervous when I know I have to hold these promises made for an entire year. 365 days. That's a long time to be nice to be someone or go without a drink or smoke. I feel If I really want something, I don't make it public. I keep it to myself. I do have little promises I make myself though that I would like to accomplish. It's not so much of an order or a demand, it's more of a let's see how this goes kinda deal. Nothing set in stone. I choose a few things I would like to accomplish the following year and I place it on the bulletin board of my soul. I also put it on a scrap piece of paper and I put it in a place in my room that I only know about. Like my secret place where I keep notes, receipts. Money. Every few months, I dig it out and look at it. Cross out what I have accomplished and take note of things I still have to do. For 2010, I accomplished most of it. There's one thing I'm still in the process of doing or accomplishing. Otherwise, it's all good. For 2011? I would like to get more in architecture. Read more into it. Do some tours around Toronto and learn about its history. I would also like to continue to do my regular stuff - cooking, photography, painting. I need to read more. I also would like to save more money. I think that'll be the only thing on my list that's like a regular add on most people's new years resolution promise pad. There's more but they're more personal.

The R word gets me every time. I think of it as a swear word. It puts fake dreams and hopes into people that deep down inside they know they can't accomplish. I rather call it hopes. New Years Hopes and Dreams, I guess. Whatever. After all, it's only for me to know and you not to find out.