my little secret

I don't really like talking about this much. I never really talk about this, actually. To anyone. If anyone asks, and if they're close enough to me, I'd mention it but I don't like going into detail about it.

I'm writing a book.

I've been working on this book for a while. A year and a half or so. Or even a bit more than that. Don't know. Don't keep track. The book is my memoirs. It's a self-help book. It's a way to be at peace with my past and continue with happiness with a clear heart and soul. I work on it at night. I've tried to work on it during the day but there's too much confusion. Too much going on. I find working at night I'm more at peace and my creativity is running wild. You'd think I wouldn't be as focused but I am. Strange enough. The toughest thing about it is that I have to re-live some of the darkest parts of my life. By re-living it I review the feelings I felt during that time and then I suffer from the consequences of digging up the past. In the back of my head I realize that If I survived it before, I can again. And I do. I just tell myself that we just have to get through this paragraph and it'll be all over. Again. Not to be thought about again. The easiest part of writing the book is when I get to talk about my happiest times. But it's also hard. Thinking if I could go back and re-live it all again. While writing the book I realized that I don't have any regrets in my life. At all. I would do it all over not changing a thing.

I talk about it all. My school days. My passion for radio and media. My days in Michigan. My friends of now and yesterday. Old relationships. Crushes. Family. Everything.


Scratch what I said above. THE hardest thing about writing a book - especially when its about your life and how to overcome some of the toughest problems in the world - is that as an individual you're progressively growing and will continue to meet troubles which you want to add as the next chapter. So when will it be finished? When does it end? I really have to cut it off sometime. It's only just over 200 pages so far, but it's good. All of it. I don't think I've ever been more honest in my life.

Will it get published? Not too sure. I don't know why people would want to read about my life, but you never know. If it doesn't it was a wonderful learning experience and a great way to save a bunch of money by not having to go to a shrink. This was the most therapeutic form of self-help ever.


Do I think it would be good read? Sure. I think it would be an honest account of someone who lived a similar life than me. I even think it would be a good TV movie. That would be cool.


Dedications? Thinking about this the other day. I think it would be dedicated to the next generation but more specifically, to my two nieces and my nephew. It's for them. It's an open letter for them. I want them it was tough for Uncle Shane, too and that strength, love and positivity will get you through.