qutting...

I think one of my first posts on here was about when I quit drinking last year. It was a tough at first, but I ended up going for 97 days. Felt good about it. Still do. Still believe it's one of the most satisfying things you'll ever do if you drank like me and always ended up taking it to the next level. The dirty level. The level where you don't remember most of your weekends. You avoid people because you forget what you told them the night previous. You fall asleep in the clothes you wore out the night before. You stink. You drunk dial random people and sob to them about things that aren't really that important. I was there last year. Seeing myself getting to that point again. That's why I'm contemplating it again. Sometime this year. Not yet, though but I can see the day coming when I put down the bottle for good. Well, maybe not for good, but for a while. A long while. Longer than 97 days - that's for sure.

I quit smoking. This time it's for good. At least I hope.


I did my first attempt last weekend. Just needed to finish a pack. Couldn't do it. I was drinking that night. Not even before I had the last one, I was in the store getting another King Size Large and ripping it open so I didn't have to when I needed the following smoke. But then last weekend, I felt like I was done. I didn't end up buying a pack and I decided that If I could go 97 days without doing something that's more sociable acceptable and around me more, then I'm sure I'm able to quit something that I can't do inside and probably costs me more money.

Will Power, Shane. Will Power.

But what would be that replacement? What can I do that won't make me miss the urge. The smoke flying down my throat and giving me that warm sensation and that little orgasmic tickle in my head? Gum? Drawing? Writing more? Bah. Don't know. But I do know the two huge turn on's for me to quit smoking is that I will be stuck inside and I'll be saving a bunch of cash.

Whatever gets me through, I guess.

It's been 12 long years of buying smokes, hanging out at bars and coffee shops, smelly clothes, icky breath and lying to your loved ones to make me realize that it's time to put it to an end. All in all, it was fun. Smoking ends up being like your best friend at times. Sometimes your only friend that was with you for all your most stressful and saddest moments. And to cut them off like that? Kind cruel, huh? Yeah. But it's killing me slowly. It's time to put an end to this friendship forever.

This is just the first step.