time flies when you're sober..

I've been sober for a month now. It's been an eventful month. A bunch of stuff has happened. Some good, Some bad and some in that gray area that some don't end up lookin' at. I've learned a lot about myself and people around me and just about life in general. I've been able to delve right back into what I love and realized that I still can be passionate about things I like doing and have motivation to actually do them. When I woke up on that Sunday morning in March and decided to cut out the booze, I also promised myself that this is just step one of a huge staircase I want to climb. I'm working on the other steps as I write this and I think if I can go without drinking for a month and not really craving it anymore, I think the other steps will be easier to climb. The staircase is a life altering one. Picture it as when you enter high school for the first time. You know no one and you're about to enter a whole new chapter in your life. As you climb those steps to see the people you'll be spending the next four years with, you are walking into a whole new realm. It's that fine line from that last step in the smelly long staircase to when you step your foot into the classroom. That split second makes you change from an innocent kid to a mature young adult just years away from tackling the world on your own.

Have I wanted to drink in the past month? Sure. Have I got nervous at times at the bar seeing others taking shots and sippin' pints? Of course. But that will power that I thought I lost years ago when I took my first drag of a smoke, comes rushing back and I just ignore the urge and continue to sip my Pepsi knowing that I'll be disappointing my loved ones but most importantly putting myself back to square one.

I think I'm most proud of myself with the fact that I've been able to do this without any outside help. I'm not really hating on any clubs or associations that help quitters quit, but I know it's not for me. I think I've stated this before, but as I didn't want alcohol to control my life anymore, I don't want not drinking to control my life. I want to control me and do like I've been doing for most of my life - do it my way not caring what others think.

Ok I lie. I've had outside help. From my friends. I never knew what kind of support system I had surrounding me before this. Well, I did but not to the extent that they've gone and some people who I never expected being one of my top backers. And it's not them backing me and my decision but how much their words have meant to me and how they look at me differently now. Not worried anymore about if they're mad at me because of something I said in a drunken rage but glad that they're proud now to call me a friend and someone they respect.

As I stare at that Joe Cocker "Little Help from my Friends" 12 inch on my wall, I actually know what the song means for the first time ever. And yeah, I do get by with a little help from my friends which is making this stair climb a whole lot easier.