sober creative powers.

A pal asked me something the other day while I was at the bar. "Shane, why are you drinking beer?". Before I was able to answer, He re-phrased his question. "Shane, why are you drinking". I thought he knew. I thought everyone knew. I fell from the wagon back in July. I've been drinking since. He asked me why. I told him, I was in a better place now and I'm happier and most importantly, I know the signs of when to quit. I know it's in me to quit for 97 days, So I don't think it'd be too hard the second time around. However, I don't think It'll have to come to that point. I'm taking care of The Habit much better this time. It's not ruling me. I'm ruling it. Just recently, I started to cut down on my drinking consumption. It's not that I'm getting tired of it or that I'm starting not to like it, it's just that I'm in such a happy place right now, I don't need alcohol as a crutch to justify my happiness. I just need my accomplishments to do that. The personal ones and public ones. I've set a bunch of personal goals for myself recently, and I've conquered all of them. One of them being that I've done the most posts in less than a month on this page then I've ever been able to do. This would be post 70-something. It feels good. I have some other little goals I reached that I don't feel like sharing right now, But they have made me feel good about myself and just life.

It used to be that I needed beer or social drunken companionship to prove to myself that I'm a happy person and saved all that creative energy for the weekend. However, I find that after a days' work and coming home and being able to create something - be it a painting or a little write-up that inspires a bunch of people - strangers and friends alike to visit my blog to read about it - that is much more of a reward then shooting down shots or having a nice conversation with older folk about civilization in urban communities and how they differ from 30 years ago to today. I'm learning to enrich my knowledge of self. Learning to celebrate my own accomplishments sober not even wanting one until the time is right.

I'm sure however, they'll come a time when I won't even want to drink on the weekends. Sure, I love beer. I love the cheers that come with it, and I look forward to my weekly gatherings with friends. However, I'm finding it more of a victory after updating a blog page then being able to arrive alive.

Cheers.