waiting to 'plode..

i feel like my mind is going to explode. my inner things are going to splatter
all around. sorry to be so gory. just the way i feel. too much at once is going on now. try not to think too much but i can't help it. it's always around me. need to focus. need to communicate. need to examine but not examine too much. you know what i mean? don't know if you do even though i'm sure you do. i guess it's the time of year. same thing happened around this time last year i felt the same way. i even grew a beard and became a hermit. kinda like what i'm doing now. it feels good. might be me suffering from s.a.d. it has to be something like that. it's not like i have more of a weight load put on me than the other times of year. but due to s.a.d. it effects me differently, i guess. harder. it feels tougher to progress.

don't know. i just want it to stop. get everything in order and make the wanting to explode feeling to discontinue and come back next year when i'll be able to see it coming and shoot it at its core so it won't hurt me anymore. that's it. i found my game plan.

i just need to get though this year